tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36924923675446885512024-03-08T16:37:51.168-07:00I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye...surviving grief: death of a childThis blog is to help bereaved parents move on with their lives. My book, "I Have No Intention of Saying Goodbye," lets parents open their hearts and share stories of hope and healing after a child's death. My second book, "Creating a New Normal...After the Death of a Child" is mostly coping techniques for the bereaved and a huge resource section.Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.comBlogger499125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-37934536344915865472017-01-01T06:00:00.000-07:002017-01-01T13:44:58.011-07:00My Last Post...for now<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It has been almost 10 years and 500 blogs since I first started writing
this blog for all of you who needed to hear words of comfort and a variety of
information of how to move on with your life. Each Sunday I would try to pick a
topic that was both timely and of interest to many. All 10 years are here on
these pages. I have also written two books on surviving grief: “I Have No
Intention of Saying Good-bye” and “Creating a New Normal…After the Death of a
Child,” both of which I hope were helpful. It is time now to put my writings
aside and do other things, but I want to leave you with the following hints to
help you move forward with your life, in addition to the ones I’ve mentioned
throughout the years, no matter where you are in your lifelong grief journey:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Seek a grief counselor if you feel you need one.
Many are good, but make sure you are not getting advice from the
uninitiated. In other words, the grief counselor should also be a bereaved
parent, if at all possible. Otherwise, they will give you their advice but
probably never understand what you are truly feeling because they have not
been through it.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Don’t expect a miracle cure. There isn’t one. A
broken heart can not be replaced. It can only be repaired.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Learn from other survivors. Listen to their stories
and what they’ve done to move on with their lives.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Reaching out to others who are newly bereaved may
be your best therapy because you realize you are not alone. I’ve met
extraordinary people who have enriched my life as I hope I have for them.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Talk about your child and let others know you
want them to do so too. This is the No. 1 thing bereaved parents ask for
others to do the most. They don’t want their child to be forgotten. Others
may be afraid at first, but you need to make them comfortable by telling
them you’d love to hear a story about them.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Time is your friend. Don’t expect too much of
yourself too soon. A good day doesn’t mean you’re moving on. It’s a
roller-coaster ride and you may fall back into the hole at any time.
Grieving for your child is a life-long process<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Do not say “good-bye” to your deceased child or
children. Alive or dead, there are no true separations from our children.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Understand that people will react differently
towards you and be accepting of that.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Don’t rush into any decisions you might regret
later, like moving. Take your time.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Do whatever you want to honor your child and
whatever makes you happy, no matter what others may say. It can be a
scholarship, having a memorial service or starting a foundation.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Be around people who care about you and your
needs.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Take care of yourself physically. Eat right.
Exercise.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Whatever you do, remember your reactions are
normal.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Expect to be a different person, with new goals,
new friends and different priorities.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Find a support group and go to meetings with
other bereaved parents. You will feel comfortable talking about your child
and everyone will get to know your child and understand how you are
feeling.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Don’t be afraid to laugh. You are not being
disloyal to your child’s memory by doing so, and laughter is good for the
soul.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;">Always know our kids are watching and routing for
our survival. We owe it to them to live our lives in tribute to their
memory, to make them proud of us. For as long as we live, they too shall
live. Remember too, you are not alone.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I believe that the passage of time, an open
heart that embraces life, hard work and a choice to embrace hope, will allow
you to survive the most difficult losses and move on with your life. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;">I will return, hopefully, from time to time, to continue giving you advice and help wherever and whenever I can. All 500 blogs will remain on this site. Remember, you can always email me to ask anything you feel you need help or advice on. Thank you for following me all these years.</span></div>
</div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-28743232336675338492016-12-25T06:00:00.000-07:002016-12-25T06:00:00.142-07:00Importance of keeping pictures<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If your house was on fire and you only had time to
take a few precious mementos, what would they be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For me, pictures are the most important mementos.
They are the one thing you can never replace, especially if they are pictures
of a child who died. Grab as many as you can and add other family photos to the
ones you chose. We think we remember everything about our loved one who died,
but as time goes on, memories fade. And if you have additional children, their
lives are important also, so grab what you can. The clothes, the awards, the
keepsakes from trips—all of these are important too, but most are replaceable
and don’t hold the same sentimental value as a photo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To make sure of always having photos of the family:
children, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, I take a number of photos
and store them in my safe deposit box at the bank. I know they are safe there
and that if anything happens to my home, I will still have precious ones to
look at and be able to reproduce at a later time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Another idea for those who have lost everything in a
flood or fire is to ask friends and relatives to share pictures with you that
have one or more members of your family in them. It may just be a camping
outing, a birthday party or a wedding you all attended. The more you can
gather, the better you’ll feel that not everything was lost.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you put family pictures all over your new abode, you
shouldn’t feel strange or embarrassed about doing that. I love surrounding
myself with those I love and particularly those no longer here. I like talking
about my family to friends when they come over and include my family in my life
in any way I can. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">As long as I have those precious photos, I feel my
life is as complete as it can be, and I can move on from there making new
memories but never forgetting the old ones. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>Merry Christmas to all.</i></span></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-34293428235664675282016-12-18T18:00:00.000-07:002016-12-18T18:00:15.532-07:00Celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In a rare occurrence, this year Hanukkah, the
festival of Lights, begins on Christmas Eve. It is usually days or weeks before
December 25, depending on the Jewish calendar. It lasts eight nights and is marked
by the lighting of candles in the home, one candle for each night until all
eight lights burn brightly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One legend tells of finding the Temple in Jerusalem desolate
and desecrated. It was cleansed and rededicated by Judah and his brothers. With
a little flash of holy oil expected to last only one day, they relit the great
Menorah. Miraculously, the oil lasted eight days and over the years the custom
of lighting Hanukkah lights developed into the festival celebrated today by
Jews all over the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Hanukkah is a happy celebration, Jews sing songs,
play games (especially with a dreidel—a four-sided top)—eat potato pancakes
called latkes, visit with family and friends and give gifts. It is considered a
good deed (mitzvah) to give to those in need. Originally, gifts were coins
given on one night. Today gifts are often given each night for the eight nights.
Gifts can be small and not expensive or elaborate, depending on what people can
afford.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you have lost a child, no matter your religion,
Hanukkah and/or Christmas can be a daunting time of year remembering all the
good times you had while they were alive. When the time is right—it can be
months or even years--get back into the spirit of the holidays by helping
yourself and by helping others. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have been on the road of grief for many
years, but now I have a new reason to celebrate, a grandson. I see those who are
ahead of me and know they can help too in many ways. I also see those who are
just starting the long journey. I and others can give them words of
encouragement and hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I wish
you all peace, a pleasant holiday and hope for the year ahead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-26590776942393743702016-12-13T06:00:00.000-07:002016-12-13T19:35:11.566-07:00The Grief Journey Never Ends<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The grief journey never ends, but neither does the
journey of hope. There is no proper way to grieve, no matter what you’ve been
told or have heard. There is also no magic formula to help with the pain. We
each go through our journey as best as we can. For some it will take a year or
two, for others, much longer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We have choices to make as we go through this
journey. With each choice we can become stronger. We can face the future with
courage, optimism and creativity. At first we may be afraid to do anything, but
day by day I personally choose to be happy. I choose not to wallow in my grief.
I choose to have goals and to make them happen. I choose a reason to live and
move on with my life. I choose to regain control of my life. Having hope for
whatever I choose to do is important to me now. I think I’ve succeeded in this
goal. Sure, I miss my daughter. She is part of my heart now and always will be.
But being happy is a choice that I have made, no matter the roadblocks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Over the years I have met so many people, heard so
many stories of loss, and I have tried to be part of the recovery process. With
books and organizations now to help in that process, the end results is a
society of thriving individuals who did it themselves. Although others may
help, the inner-most part of the person must also want to succeed. By helping
others, I have helped myself and I have chosen the path of helping others get
through the pain, the anguish, the sadness and find new meaning in their lives.
I do this through speaking at national conferences, at local bereavement
chapters and writing not only books on surviving grief, but also (at last
count) almost 500 blogs on the topics of coping, personal stories and
informational helpful articles for the bereaved. What a cathartic help all this
has been for me in return! It was a natural choice. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">I have been a
journalist/writer my entire life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Trust your own instincts no matter what others say
is the key to hope and renewal on our grief journey. If you have dreams you
have never been able to fulfill, now is the time to take a closer look at your
dreams. Take that leap of faith. Someone once said to me, “Dare to dream and
believe in yourself.” For example, if you’ve always wanted to travel, now is
the time. Go alone if you must; you will find others on your journeys to exotic
lands. And who knows what might come of taking that first step. Don’t fear the
future. You’ve already lived through the worst thing that could ever happen to
you, the loss of a child. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">More and more, people are making bucket lists and
following them. Not only does it show that you can accomplish great things, but
you will find you have gained control over your life again. I am always
reminded of the quote by William Shedd I had for many years on the wall of
my classroom (along with others) that I found thought-provoking </span><i style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not
what ships are for.”</i>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-29955914073225789092016-12-04T06:00:00.000-07:002016-12-04T06:00:00.143-07:00Worldwide Candle Lighting and other info<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A reminder that the 20<sup>th</sup> annual
Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting
to honor the memory of the sons,
daughters, brothers, sisters and grandchildren who left too soon will be held.
It unites family and friends around the globe when hundreds of thousands of
people commemorate and honor their memory. Candles are lit for one hour at 7
p.m. local time. By doing this, it creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as
it moves from time zone to time zone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It started in the U.S. in 1997 as a small internet
observance, but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the
world. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of
informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet
remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Local bereavement groups, churches, funeral homes,
hospitals, hospices, children’s gardens, schools, cemeteries and community
centers have arranged services for all size groups. Check on the Compassionate
Friends Website for postings of where some of these are held. If there are none
in your area, you may plan one on your own open to the public and use
Compassionate Friends website to help with suggestions on planning the service.
It can be as simple as getting into a circle, lighting a candle and saying a
few prayers for those who died and perhaps one special prayer for your child
before blowing out your candle. In some locations, the names of those who died
and are attending the service are named as well as a speaker giving prayers. If
planning one for your community, let TCF know, so it can be posted so others
can attend and/or know about it. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">TCF also invites you to post a message in the
Remembrance Book which is available during the event at the national website.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Worldwide Candle Lighting gives bereaved
families everywhere the opportunity to remember their child(ren) so <i>that their lights may always shine</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">______________ ________________ _________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I read a fabulous idea recently about parents who
wanted to honor their daughter who died. They did this by donating children’s
books to a children’s hospital for reading and also donating grief books for
those parents to read. It has gone over very well. Children were delighted to
read or have stories read to them and parents could either read in the hospital
or take the books home to read. I would definitely encourage any parents who
want to honor their child to take up a collection
from parents who no longer need books for youngsters or to buy new books for
this worthwhile project. Contact the local children’s hospital for additional
information on how to go about doing this for them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">______________ _________________ ___________________<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">If you want to create a memory book for your child
who died, Kelly Gerken founded and is president of Sufficient Grace Ministries,
a non-profit organization that helps bereaved families create memory books of
their children. Kelly and husband Tim lost three of their five children to
Potter’s Syndrome in utero.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">_____________ ___________________ ____________________ </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A support group for families who have a child
suffering from cancer is Cal’s Angels, offering hope and love. Its mission and
purpose to grant wishes, raise awareness and fund research to help kids
fighting cancer continues Cal’s legacy, according to his parents, Tom and
Stacey Sutter. Cal Sutter never gave up hope after his diagnoses of Leukemia.
He was always more concerned about the well-being of others fighting cancer
than he was about himself during his 14 month battle with the disease.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-71089318281607252512016-11-27T06:00:00.000-07:002016-11-27T06:00:06.564-07:00Attending weddings, funerals, events after your child's death<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Attending <b>weddings,</b>
funerals, and special events after the death of your child can be very
traumatic for the first year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I remember two months after my daughter died in a
car accident, a dear friend’s son was getting married and I was invited. I
agonized for weeks about what I should do. On the one hand, I didn’t want to
disappoint my friend, but on the other hand, I didn’t think I could make it
through the ceremony without breaking down. You see, my daughter had gotten
married five months prior to her death and those wonderful memories lingered in
my mind and heart. If I were to see the bride coming down the aisle, would I be
able to hold it together or would I think about my daughter’s wedding and be
heartbroken? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I finally made a decision. I had to do what felt
right for me. Everyone is different. I wanted to go to the wedding, but I just
couldn’t. I had to call my friend and explain the circumstances. I thought it
would be difficult, but she was very understanding and said she wondered what I
would do, didn’t want to interfere, and left the decision up to me. I bought
her son a very nice wedding gift, visited him when he got back from his
honeymoon and hoped that would suffice. My friend told me her son understood. As time goes on, it does get better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Attending a <b>funeral
</b>of a relative or friend or one of their children is no different as far as
emotions are concerned. Again, my mind reverts back to my daughter’s funeral.
Many, many people attended, but truthfully, I didn’t see any of them. I was just
thinking of what had happened so suddenly. The finality of it astounded me. I
would never see her again. How could this have happened to my beautiful child? Children
are not supposed to die before their parents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Depending on when the funeral is (more than a year
out is less taxing) and how close I am to the parents or child was one of the
decisions as to whether or not I went that first year. I could send heartfelt condolences or offer
to send food or flowers to their house if I didn’t feel I could handle going to
the service and/or cemetery. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Unfortunately, there were situations within that first year or so where I knew I must
attend to show support and compassion for those grieving. I didn’t have to stay
long, just acknowledge and express sympathy to the family and give them all a big hug. After all, I know only
too well how I felt during that time in my life. If it is the same cemetery as
where my daughter is buried, I use it as a reason to visit her grave. As long
as I honored the life and memory of the one who died by attending, I think
they understood if my emotions got the better of me and I started crying. Know that there did
come a time when I was ready and at peace with these situations, but it does
take a lot of grief work and you must do what, in your heart, is best for you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I remember attending a few <b>special events </b>held for my daughter by her friends months
afterwards. This was one area I felt I couldn’t bow out of with any kind of
excuse. And to be truthful, I wanted to go to hear what others had to say about
her. They were wonderful stories about her life and friendships, some of which I was not
even aware. Yes, they tugged at my heart, but I was so proud to know how
important she was to others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">We will all at some time in our life, lose someone
we love dearly, and there is no way to avoid that. Trust your grief skills to
get you through any situation. A loved one may be gone too soon from our lives
but never, never from our hearts.</span>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-84967454254906531242016-11-20T06:00:00.001-07:002016-11-20T06:00:19.235-07:00Thanksgiving Memories<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Thanksgiving has not been a fun or favorite holiday of
mine for many, many years, but it is getting better with new additions to my
family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At first, I used to love the holiday. Although not
that fond of turkey, I never had to worry. My mom always cooked the turkey and
dinner and all I had to do was eat it! Easy enough. I must admit that I’ve
never cooked a turkey for Thanksgiving in my entire life! Oh, I’ve cooked parts—a
breast, a wing and many, many thighs, (my favorite part of the turkey). When my
mom died, I still didn’t cook Thanksgiving. Either my sister-in-law did or my
husband, at the time, prepared the turkey. I did the trimmings. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One of the last times I saw my family together was
Thanksgiving, 1992, when my daughter and her fiance, drove to Tucson from Los
Angeles to celebrate with us. Everyone was in a great mood. Always a fair kid, I
was informed this was my year for Thanksgiving; next year they would go to her
Dad’s in Phoenix. Little did she know that I was not cooking the turkey! The
man of the house was doing it and did a great job! We kidded about the engaged
couple sleeping in a trundle bed. “Don’t you know,” my daughter said, “that
engaged and/or married couples like to sleep in the same bed, close together, not
in twin beds.” I replied, “You’re close enough; you’re not married yet! And
unless you want to sleep on the floor, this is the only other bedding in the
house!” (To this day, it remains the only other bedding in my home, but with
new mattresses.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It was a festive weekend. I did not know it would be
my mother’s last weekend alive. She died from heart failure the following week,
not much older than I am now. How was I to know that my daughter would only
have another year and a half to live before tragedy struck our family again
after another holiday season and wedding celebrations, my daughter’s and her
best friend’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As we celebrate every year, we are always thankful
for our health, our families, our comfortable life. But the death of a child
changes all that. I do not celebrate Thanksgiving as a festive day anymore. Sure,
if invited, I go to a friend’s home, but when I hear others talk about their
child, see their grandchildren and hear what they did recently, I always wish
they would ask about a story or just mention my child, who they all knew and
loved and who also lived a wonderful life for as long as she could. Sure, I
wish she was still here, enjoying everyone and everything, but it was not to
be. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I do, however, give thanks for what I do have now: a
new husband of 10 years, a new step-daughter, who couldn’t be more like my own
(born in the same month and on the same day), and recently, her new son, my
first grandson, as her proud father, my husband, says to me, “I know you’ll
never get over your own loss (and I wouldn’t expect you to), but I’m so glad I
could help a little, fill the hole in your heart.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Happy Thanksgiving to all. Celebrate as best you can
with those you love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-63835391639739677492016-11-13T06:00:00.000-07:002016-11-13T06:00:06.236-07:00Tributes Digest<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To help sustain the memories of children who have died,
the Starshine Galaxy Foundation supports the Tributes to Lost Children
Community Page on Facebook as a place to post, share, and comment on activities
to honor these children and to celebrate their lives. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A biweekly Tributes Digest presents highlights from
this community page along with other items of interest. These stories, many of
which I’ve read, remind me of my first book, “I Have No Intention of Saying
Good-bye” where I tell what happened to the child and then how the parents have
moved on and what they are doing to honor their child. Many have causes or have
started foundations. All of them don’t want what happened to them to happen to
others.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Their stories are touching, and I’ve briefly summarized a few of them
to give you an idea of the wide variety of what is being covered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One of the recent highlights is “Jacob’s Hope.”
Jacob disappeared in 1989 and his parents never gave up hope of finding their
son. When they recently discovered his remains, they decided to keep the goal through
this site of educating the public about those who take children, in hopes of
stopping these kidnappings and murders.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Childhood cancer awareness is another topic on the
minds of many as is the bodies of abandoned babies left on the roadside. As gun
violence among young people become more prevelent, it is noted that we must
find ways to stop this violence. Research into stillborn babies and Hemophiliac
children is ongoing. And hope is always present as researchers learn more and
more each day as to why these illnesses happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In the wake of 26-year-old Kayla Mueller’s death
(she lived in Northern Arizona), “Kayla’s Hands” was created by her parents to
continue their daughter’s humanitarian work she started in Syria to relieve
human suffering. She was held for 18 months before she died. The work they now do to help others is comforting
to them and a loving tribute to Kayla.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Two year old Lane Graves was attacked by an
alligator in Disneyworld recently, as he stood on a beach at the Disneyworld
resort. Friends and family where he lived released 5,000 blue balloons as they
stood in a large heart formation to honor and remember him. Disneyworld has
since put up protective fences so no one else will get hurt or die.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Mathew Shepard, an incoming freshman at the
University of Wyoming who was gay, was lured from a bar by two men who then
kidnapped and tortured him and let him die, tied to a fence in an empty field.
The voices of gay people are being heard now in greater numbers and they are
hoping to stop this vicious violence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The many deaths of men, women and children on September
11, 2001, will always be a tragedy, but out of that, a living memorial was built
in New York to remember all the victims, and many families have started their
own foundations to honor their children, relatives and friends and to document
the lives of those tragically killed in this terror attack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All of these deaths and many others are talked about
in this Tributes Digest in much greater detail. Activities are held to honor those
who have passed away and hopefully, what others have done can help in the
healing process. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Their mailing address is: Starshine Galaxy
Foundation, 1400 Sherwood Lane, Geneva, IL 60134. Direct any comments,
questions or concerns on any post you may read in full on Facebook to: </span><a href="mailto:starmaster@starshinegalaxy.org"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">starmaster@starshinegalaxy.org</span></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-36726393629123659702016-11-06T06:00:00.000-07:002016-11-06T08:46:02.113-07:00Giving Back<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Two people who feel that Compassionate Friends has
given them their lives back after the death of two of their three children is
Jacquin Edwards-Mitchell and John Mitchell. Even though they lost two children,
they say they gained a family of thousands, referring to the TCF community. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fortunately they didn’t let their children’s death destroy
their their lives. Both children died by drowning 22 years ago and yet they
still attend meetings and try to help others who are going through their grief
journey. John and Jacquin run the Manhattan, New York, chapter, going twice a
month.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Their two boys were swimming one day and the older
one hit his head on the side of the pool. The younger boy dove in the water and
tried to save him but to no avail and also died in the attempt. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">They didn’t
think they would survive this devastation. Someone told them about
Compassionate Friends and they attended their first meeting, feeling a camaraderie
with those who had lost a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When asked how they survived that first year, the
answer was “One day at a time.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Grief
doesn’t just go away,” said Jacquin. “You don’t wake up one night and think you
are all better. It’s a lifetime struggle and you need other people. You can’t
do it alone.” In the first year one needs support--someone to call in the
middle of the night who understands what you are going through. The Mitchells
try to help those in need through this difficult time. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">She emphasized that if one chapter of TCF doesn’t
work for you, go to another one. Shop around to find the best fit for your
needs.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">John tries to help men in grief, while Jacquin works
on the board of directors of TCF. Someone was there for them and now they want
to be there for others. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Gloria Horsley, grief specialist, says it feels good to
help others, and it gives you a chance to give back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“At TCF you are surrounded by love,” said Alan
Pedersen, executive director of TCF.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Whatever you decide is best for your needs, take
that first step and you will find that after a while, you will be helping
others like yourself. I know it is true. I have given back by speaking at TCF
National Conferences and making new friends with those who sought help. It is
very rewarding, and in the process of helping others, I also helped myself. </span>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-14523889417167717612016-10-30T06:00:00.000-07:002016-10-30T06:00:02.536-07:00Online Chat Rooms<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For those needing help to get through their grief
journey, the Compassionate Friends offers live online chats. This program was
established to encourage connecting and sharing among parents, grandparents,
and siblings over the age of 18 who are grieving the death of a child. These
chat rooms supply support, encouragement and friendship and encourage conversation
among friends who understand the emotions you are experiencing. The following
are general bereavement sessions as well as more specific sessions based on
Eastern time. The views expressed in this Online Support Community are the
opinions of individual visitors and do not necessarily represent the views of
the organization. Visit Compassionate Friends.org for additional information of how to get on to these chat rooms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Monday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9-10 a.m. and 9-10 p.m. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderator: Pat<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Tuesday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9-10 p.m. 9-10
p.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bereaved less than two years Bereaved more than two years<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderator: Margo Moderators:
Becca and Carol<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Wednesday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9-10 p.m. 10-11
p.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents/grandparents/siblings Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderators: Karen and Walline Moderator:s Carol and Jeanne<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Thursday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">8-9 p.m. 9-10
p.m. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">No Surviving Children Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderators: Adaline and Izzy Moderators:
Carol and Donna <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Friday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">10-11 p.m. 9-10
p.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents/grandparents/siblings Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderator: Karen
Moderators:
Margo and Maureen<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9-10 p.m. 10-11
p.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Pegnancy/Infant Loss Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderators: Andrea and Sara Moderators: Margo and Maureen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Saturday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9-10 p.m. 10-11
p.m. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents/grandparents/siblings Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Moderators: Becca and Carol Moderators: Leslie and Carol<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sunday<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">8-9 p.m. 9-10
p.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Survivors of Suicide Parents/grandparents/siblings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Moderator: Izzy Moderators:
Carol and Diana</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Closed Facebook Groups are also available, but you will have to contact the organization to get approval to join them. These groups are more specific on the loss. They include: loss of a child, loss of a stepchild, loss of a grandchild, sibling bereavement, men in grief, loss to substance related causes, loss to suicide, loss to homicide, loss to a drunk/impaired driver, loss to cancer, loss of a child with special needs, loss to long-term illness, infant and toddler loss, loss of an only child or all your children, loss to miscarriage or stillbirth, and loss to mental illness.</span>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-62006782509076303622016-10-23T06:00:00.000-07:002016-10-23T06:00:29.383-07:00The Earthquake<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Out of the blue one day last week, someone brought
up the 1994 Northridge Earthquake in the Los Angeles area. Oh, yes, that was
part of a heartbreaking year, when my daughter was in a fatal car crash.
Remembering that year, the earthquake triggers some fond memories, certainly
not of the damage, destruction and death of many people, but of what transpired
that morning of January 17. I received a phone call from my daughter asking if
I had heard the news. I looked at the bedside clock which read 6:30 a.m. and
said, “No, I was sleeping. What happened?” My daughter told me they had just
experienced an earthquake of around 6.1 where she lived with her husband in
Sherman Oaks, and she was under the kitchen table!” “Don’t worry, she said, we’re
all right, and I called to let you know that.” (Always so thoughtful and considerate).
I smiled. “Nothing was damaged,” she continued, but she called me first and
needed to make another call to her dear friend’s mother in Tucson to let her
know that her daughter was on the East Coast that week and that she didn’t have
to worry about her. “Okay, I said. “I’m glad you called me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When my daughter died two months later, her friend’s
mother came to the funeral. She said it was because she wanted to face me and
let me know what a special daughter I had and how much she appreciated that
call two months earlier. To myself I said, I know she was special, but it was
still great hearing it from others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All that month and for many after, I received many
cards and letters telling me how special she was to others, and it always
warmed my heart. Many years later, I even heard from her first boyfriend, who I
think always had special feelings for her even after she broke up with him. He
told me that it had taken him a long time to get up the courage to write me to
let me know how much she meant to him and still does. He reminisced about many
events we all shared, again bringing back wonderful memories for both of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Every time I hear someone mention 1994, I always
associate it with the death of my daughter. It could be a casual remark someone
makes about the O.J. Simpson murders, a marriage, a divorce, the death of a
well-known personality such as Nixon or Jacqueline Kennedy, a sports team
winning a championship or a statistic comparing the population growth then and
now. My heart skips a beat when that year is mentioned, even now, more than 22
years later. I want to shout, “Hey, my daughter was beautiful inside and out,
and I don’t want her to be forgotten.” I
know I never will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Because of all the people who loved her, I know that
will never happen. And I have made sure of that through all the meaningful things
I have done in her memory including setting up a perpetual foundation to give
financial aid to college students to finish their degrees.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my daughter,
who died far too young. She had so much to do, so much to give…And after the
pain that accompanies memories of people long since gone, I remember all the
good times and the wonderful people I have met while I try to help others deal
with their loss as I know my daughter would have wanted to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-35443509211248767902016-10-16T06:00:00.000-07:002016-10-16T06:00:04.936-07:00Writer Found Grief Books Helpful With Personal Loss<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I found that
when my daughter died, I didn’t want to go to bereavement groups and listen to
everyone who sat in a circle, crying and telling their story. It was very sad seeing
and listening to those people, and I wanted to do something to lift myself up,
not dig a deeper hole that I could crawl into and feel safe. I turned to books
also, grief books that had ideas and passages I could identify with. Not all
books were helpful, but as I read everything I could get my hands on at the
time (and there wasn’t that much in 1994) I could say, “yes, I feel that way
too” or “no, I don’t agree with that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Everyone has his own way of facing the grief that
comes with losing someone you love. Writer Alex Weiss found that books helped
him deal with personal loss in eight important ways. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Here are Weiss’ eight ways books helped him heal
from loss. I agree with most of what he says. See if you can relate also.
Remember, this is a summary of his thoughts only. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
reminded me I wasn’t alone</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">. I could find similarities in
characters who dealt with death who felt lost and confused. It helped me feel
less lonely and made me realize just how many possible realities are out there,
how many people deal with what I’m going through, and that I’m certainly not
alone in how I feel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
showed me there are so many things worth living for.</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
When you lose someone you love, it can seem as if the entire idea of living
worthless. But it didn’t take long for books to show me how many beautiful
things exist in the world and the millions of paths one can take. Even though
positive outcomes are hard to imagine during loss, books showed me there will
always be something worth living for.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
didn’t bullsh*t the hard stuff</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">. Guidance counselors,
therapists and friends all try so hard to make things better when you lose
someone. The human instinct is to reassure a person in pain that it will get
better. But when every part of you hurts, that isn’t exactly what you need to
hear. What you do need is for someone to tell you the truth of how sucky this
is, and that’s exactly what some authors and characters showed me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
showed me how to process emotions in a healthy way</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">.
Books helped me realize how important it
is to focus on each emotion – heartache, anxiety, inspiration, growth—ort through
them and really try to understand why I’m feeling the way I am. And that in
itself is a life lesson worth learning whether you’ve experienced personal loss
or not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
taught me that a short life isn’t a bad life</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">. One of the
things I struggled with most is that this person close to me hadn’t been able
to live out the amazing life she/he deserved. It took a few books that dealt
with death and the loss o young lives that made me realize it doesn’t matter
how many years you have, it matters most in how you live them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
inspired me to learn and grow from loss</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">. Books gave me a
reason to actively search for good in the world, and ever since, I’ve been
committed to taking time out of every day to stop, look and find something to
smile or be grateful about. Experiencing death takes a different toll on
everyone, and while the lessons may not appear right away like they do in
books, you will grow and take something positive away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Books
have never made me feel bad for feeling bad. </span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This is probably
the most powerful and important lesson I got out of reading a lot during my
stages of grief. When years started to pass but I still felt the pain of loss
just as strongly, if not worse, my friends and family around me didn’t feel as
approachable. I started to feel bad for feeling bad, as if there’s something
wrong with me and I should just move on already. The thing is, books never told
me there was a time limit. They told me it was okay to feel bad, that it was
okay to feel happy, that it was okay to move on when it felt right to me, and
not to move on when it wasn’t. Books empowered me then, and they continue to do
so every time I pick one up—and I can’t imagine my life without them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-51164826512206971592016-10-09T06:00:00.001-07:002016-10-09T06:00:24.818-07:00Sudden vs. Anticipated Death<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sometimes the question comes up, “Which is harder:
sudden death or anticipated death?” Would it be better to know your child is dying and
being able to say ‘good-bye’ and live life filled with lots of things you could
do together, or is no preparation in the event of a sudden car accident or
such, easier on the parents. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Many people have been interviewed on this topic and
all have a variety of opinions. There isn’t one better choice. Death will bring
the same shock, whether you knew it was coming or didn’t. What you do need is
the same support from others. You will need more support systems with
anticipatory loss and not as much with sudden death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In sudden death, you didn’t get to say good-bye.
That is the common complaint. According to death specialist Darcie Sims, “We
never say good-bye.” I found this to be so true and the title of my first book
reflects this idea.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But no matter how you look at it, there is
incredible pain. Regardless of your loss, it is important to get support from
those who had someone die the same way. You will feel a particular bond with
them. Hope is the main goal of Compassionate Friends and that is what they try
to do, give hope, when you feel there is none there. TCF provides the opportunity
to connect with others and eventually you will find joy again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Different people try different ways of self-help.
One father had massages, exercised, moved around a lot and did a lot of
reflection. One mother felt yoga was very beneficial, as was hiking. She said
she would get a sense of serenity in doing one of these activities. Another
mother made baskets of stuff for bereaved. She thought it would help others and
ended up starting an organization to this goal. She also did a lot of running
and just getting out of the house to clear her mind. Another father said that anything
that gets you out of bed and taking that next step is helpful. He also said he
got great support and information from TCF that allowed him to reach out and
help others as well as himself. Still another mother said golf and getting into
nature, allowed her to do a lot of searching. With that in mind, she met a lot
of fabulous people who helped her and that she also helped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">All these people give a few realistic goals you can
set for yourself: (1) self care- drink a lot of water and breathe; take care of
your body (2) find a safe person to talk to; family doesn’t want to hear it all
the time and (3) find something that brings you joy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We can grow through grief. Set goals of where you’re
going to be in the future and strive to reach them. Some will tell you it doesn’t
get better, but it really does. You can find joy in doing what makes you happy
and through people coming into your life who truly understand what you are
going through.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A wave can knock you down again and again, but one
day you’ll get on top of that wave and move on to find hope again.</span>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-78035380640192941862016-10-02T06:00:00.000-07:002016-10-02T06:00:03.307-07:00Recent Comments On My Blog Postings<div __gwt_cell="cell-gwt-uid-635" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px; outline-style: none; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<i><b>Editor's Note: I really appreciate the comments sent to me about my blogs. At the end of most of the comments is the name of the blog read and commented on and some have given me their real names. This year at the national TCF conference I even met some of you. So many bereaved parents and each one reacts differently to their loss. I wish it was possible to talk to and see all of you, but that is not possible. I hope that you have found some way of coping now and that some of what I've said in my over 460 blogs has led you to a more positive look at your situation. I'm sorry that I had to suspend comments directly on the site, but I was getting unnecessary spam. If you'd like a personal answer, you can send me an email. The email address is on the right side of each blog. Sandy Fox</b></i></div>
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I cannot move beyond the loss of my son. on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2008/08/grief-chat-rooms-and-email-support.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Grief chat rooms and email support</a></div>
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Maggi Crowston-Boaler</div>
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on 8/17/16</div>
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Our son was diagnosed with Duchene muscular dystrophy when he was six.My wife was pregnant (one month) and we had another daughter. We discovered my wife is a carrier and we know both our daughters are carriers too,HE died when he was 15 She carries a lot of guilt with her.The pain s ever present, i can crack up at just the mention of his name and our marriage such as it is, could not get much more sterile on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2008/01/divorce-rate.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">The divorce rate</a></div>
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<b>We lost our sixteen year old daughter to suicide ,with her being our only child ,it has been extremely tough we have been married 20+ years , grief has played a big factor in my wife wanting a divorce after three months of losing our daughter, I was completely caught off guard when she told me , I have had to leave it to god to help with both losses , there is good days and not as good but we all must get up try to go about life & I am a believer that time will help heal , our loved one will always be in our heart. </b></blockquote>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3692492367544688551" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Anonymous</a><span style="color: #999999; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">.</span></div>
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on 7/23/16</div>
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I am a single parent that lost my only child in sept 2015 and i can honestly say this is the only thing that actually made sence. Gave me a silver lining in some ways. Thank you on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2011/09/coping-as-single-bereaved-parent.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Coping As a Single Bereaved Parent</a></div>
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Anonymous</div>
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on 7/20/16</div>
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We lost our son eight years ago. Your words resonate completely with my own experience of loss and grief. My son will be with me forever, and ever. Thanks for your post! on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2016/03/my-new-reality.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">My New Reality</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/13139148396731992791" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Red Rivers</a></div>
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on 4/20/16</div>
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Sandy, May I include this article and the information you're providing in the Piedmont, VA TCF chapter newsletter??? I will attribute it, of course. on<a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2016/03/knot-my-baby-and-first-candle.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Knot My Baby and First Candle Organizations to Help the Bereaved</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/05301914594107322726" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Peggi Johnson</a></div>
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on 3/23/16</div>
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My email is sophiesthomas@gmail.com on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2016/02/valentines-day-2016.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Valentine's Day 2016</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/04649965282050996614" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sophie</a></div>
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on 2/14/16</div>
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Hey Sandy, I would love to interview you about your books for an article I am writing on grief. Do you have an email I may reach? on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2016/02/valentines-day-2016.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Valentine's Day 2016</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/04649965282050996614" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Sophie</a></div>
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on 2/14/16</div>
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Thank-you. on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/08/class-reunion-jitters.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Class Reunion Jitters</a></div>
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on 10/23/15</div>
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My daughter passed away in January and I am still learning how to answer that awful question: how many children do you have? I don't want to tell the truth and ruin someone's day, but I don't want to lie and do a disservice to her memory. I applaud you for being honest and for honouring your daughter. One day I hope to do the same, at the moment all I do is change the subject... Love and strength to you ❤️ on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/08/class-reunion-jitters.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Class Reunion Jitters</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/14887518549990449390" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Beyond_Tears</a></div>
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on 10/3/15</div>
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I agree, as a trama therapist, fellow blogger, and someone who recently lost a 22 year old, I find that I sometimes feel responsible for holding other peopl';s grief. Silence is golden on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/09/calling-on-bereaved.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Calling On the Bereaved</a></div>
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on 9/24/15</div>
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We are approaching one year since our baby girl was taken from us. I created a blog to try and write about my feelings since I have a hard time talking in person about them. Is this something that is healthy to do? Would you mind reading it and letting me know what you think? I'm just trying to find ways to cope. http://memoriesofallie.blogspot.com/ on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/09/calling-on-bereaved.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Calling On the Bereaved</a></div>
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on 9/21/15</div>
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Hi Sandy, I am an author publicist and wanted to know if I could send you offers for free review copies of books on grief, when available, seeking editorial/review on your touching site? Thanks, Beck on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/09/richard-edler-words-of-wisdom.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Richard Edler Words of Wisdom</a></div>
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<a href="http://bookreviewrequest.com/" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Beck Willem</a></div>
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on 9/9/15</div>
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Awwwww Thank You!!!! I had a great Great Chat with a mom last night her name is NANCY.......Your blog is great!!!! Call me lets chat....... 503 901 7900 on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/08/tears-to-triumph-creating-with-sea-glass.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Tears To Triumph-Creating With Sea Glass</a></div>
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Deb Hart</div>
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on 8/11/15</div>
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Wonderful posting, Sandy!! on <a href="http://survivinggrief.blogspot.com/2015/07/supportive-husbands.html" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Supportive Husbands</a></div>
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/profile/05301914594107322726" style="border: 0px; color: #1155cc; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Peggi Johnson</a></div>
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on 7/21/15</div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-64488545844889622222016-09-25T06:00:00.001-07:002016-09-25T06:00:16.555-07:00Books To Help Young People Cope<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">Adults are always trying to make sense of the death of a loved one. This is especially true of a child. We know how hard it is for us, so it must be just as hard for children to understand and accept a sibling’s death or a grandparent or parent. Young children will most likely have questions about why death happens and what happens to the people they love after they are gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">There are a number of books written to provide children with a sense of comfort and to help them understand their feelings of sadness and grief. It is an education all children should have in their life, so that when they are confronted with death of a sibling, parent, or grandparent, their reactions are normal. Here are a few of the books, aimed at 4 years and older.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"> by Diana Crossley, is an activity book designed to help children ages four and older deal with their feelings after losing a loved one. The activities range from arts and crafts to journaling and allow the child to make sense of the concept of death.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">Ladder to the Moon</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"> by Maya Soetoro-Ng is a story about a young girl who wants to connect with her late grandmother whom she has never met. When a ladder appears at the girl’s bedroom window, she is able to take a magical journey with her grandmother. The author, who is also President Obama’s sister, was inspired by her own daughter’s questions about her grandmother, who passed away before she was born.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">When Dinosaurs Die</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"> by Laurie and Marc Brown, offers is a straightforward explanation for young readers about the meaning death, funerals and other concepts dealing with loss. The answers to the questions are designed to spark conversations between children and their parents about feelings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">God Gave Us Heaven</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"> by Lisa Bergren and Laura Bryant, who can give younger readers who have questions about what happens to their loved ones after death, a sense of comfort. In the book, a little cub’s father describes Heaven as a beautiful, happy place where loved ones go after they have died.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">I Miss You: A First Look At Death</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"> by Pat Thomas, explains death to young children in gentle, basic terms that they can understand without subscribing to any particular religious belief. The book explains that death is a natural part of life and that grief is a normal feeling when a loved one is lost. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;">Missing Mummy</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"> by Rebecca Carr, is a moving story about a little boy who’s mother has died. The story is told from the boy’s perspective, and gives the reader a closer look at all of the emotions a child can experience after losing a parent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">If you are part of a family who has recently experienced loss, perhaps one of these books can help. Allow a child the time they may need to process their grief . Don’t hesitate to seek professional help, if needed.</span>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-67491452771099134002016-09-18T06:00:00.000-07:002016-09-18T06:00:33.311-07:00A Word of Hope<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A
Word of Hope<o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">by
Sandy Fox<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ll walk beside you, I’ll be your friend,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Many can’t understand as I do,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">How hard this can be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Grief is powerful<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Death of a child is catastrophic<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We can’t undo the tragedy,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But we can learn from it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You have already survived the worst part,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t let it take you down too far,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You will lose friends, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Change your address book many
times,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Take out names of people you thought were friends,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Change your goals and priorities,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Change how you see the world,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You may have regrets, but push on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You will feel your child in everything you do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That is good. You don’t want to lose that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One day your smile will return, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So will your laughter,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You will be whole again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And feel good about yourself and others,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You will never be the person you were before the
death,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">You will never forget what happened,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">But you can create a new normal, a rich meaningful
life<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">That includes all those you care about and love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Make the most of your life and continue breathing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">‘Hope’ will always keep you going.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-26086330517278548202016-09-11T06:00:00.000-07:002016-09-11T06:00:17.129-07:00September 11, Fifteen Years Later<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Today, September 11, is the 15<sup>th</sup>
anniversary of the most horrific terror event to ever occur on U.S. soil, the
fall of the twin World Trade Center towers. I can tell you where I was on that
day at that hour as I’m sure millions of people can. It is a day we will never
forget. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I had arrived in New York at 3 a.m. that morning (my
plane from Phoenix had mechanical problems and was 5 hours late). I checked
into a Days Inn Hotel in Newark, N.J. and awoke around 9 a.m., turned on the TV
and saw what was happening. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I was in New York and New Jersey to publicize my new
book on surviving grief, “I Have No Intention of Saying Good-bye,” that had
just been published. I had contacted bookstores in the area and a TV station,
where I was going to be interviewed. Needless to say, the interview didn’t
happen that day, nor for the next seven days that I was stuck in the area
because of plane cancellations. Too much was going on, and the TV station was
kind enough to let me come back months later for the interview. The bookstores
and compassionate friends groups where I was to speak let me go on with the
show. But as you can guess, the bookstores were quite empty; everyone was at
home or visiting those they knew who were part of the tragedy. The
compassionate friends groups had a good turnout and most commented as to how
timely my book was then.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A few days after getting home I was contacted by the
FBI and asked if I had seen anything that night or the next morning. I hadn’t.
It turns out that one of the hijackers was right next door to me. Pretty
scary!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We now have a beautiful, poignant memorial in place
along with a museum and many memories. Thousands come every day to see it and
especially on 9/11 to honor those killed, first responders and everyone who
helped to save lives in the aftermath. In the classroom teachers are utilizing
age-appropriate lesson plans and teaching students about the importance of
remembering 9/11. On social media, you can share your acts of commemoration,
tributes and/or messages of remembrance with hashtag #Honor911 or be part of
the volunteer efforts.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since 2001, individuals and organizations have responded to 9/11 with service and volunteer efforts, many supporting the philanthropic wishes and interests of those killed on 9/11. In 2009, this work was formally acknowledged and supported with the establishment of the September 11 National Day of Service and Remembrance. Organized by the Corporation for National and Community Service (CNRS), a federal agency, the official page can be found here: serve.gov/sept11.asp . Download tool kits for the National Day of Service and Remembrance that offer resources for "do-it-yourself" and age-appropriate discussions around service and 9/11.</span></div>
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It is dedicated to keeping alive the spirit of unity and compassion that arose in response to the 9/11 attacks. They promote the annual observance of September 11 as a day of charitable service and doing good deeds. Many ways exist for you to get involved on this day.<br />
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In the museum, the memorial exhibition, <i>In Memoriam</i>, commemorates the lives of those who perished on September 11, 2001 and provides visitors with the opportunity to learn about the men, women and children who died. Visitors enter the exhibition along a corridor in which portrait photographs of the nearly 3,000 victims form a "Wall of Faces," communicating the scale of human loss.<br />
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Nearby, touchscreen tables allow visitors to discover additional information about each person, including photographs, images of objects and audio remembrances by family, friends and coworkers. Rotating selections of personal artifacts are also featured. An inner chamber presents profiles of individual victims in a dignified sequence through photographs, biographical information and audio recordings.</div>
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<span style="color: #4d4d4f; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #4d4d4f; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18pt;">If
you have something you’d like to contribute to the museum, get in touch
with them.</span></div>
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-71602685943164324212016-09-04T06:00:00.003-07:002016-09-04T06:00:02.518-07:00Offering Sympathy to the Bereaved<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Suzie
Kolber, a volunteer writer at www.obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html
asked if she could contribute this
information to my blog. I’m more than happy to print any resources or words to
help the bereaved. If you have written something or can give me information
that I can expand on, please share it with me and if I can use it, I will
certainly do so. In the meantime, you can visit this site for additional
information on condolence letters, funeral planning resources or writing
obituaries.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Saying
the Right Things When You Offer Sympathy to Others by Suzie Kolber<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What do you say to your best friend when his father
dies? How do you comfort your cousin who has lost a spouse? And what words can
comfort a parent who has lost their child? These are common thoughts for anyone
when trying to decide how to offer sympathy to a grieving family member or
friend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t avoid the issue. Instead of trying to talk
around the subject, acknowledge the situation. It is appropriate to say that
you heard that a person died even if it occurred some time ago. This lets the
other person know that you are willing to talk about it and allows them to say
what they want.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Always be honest and sincere even if that means
admitting that you don’t know what to say. Sometimes just saying that you are
sorry about the situation is enough. You can say it in a variety of ways such
as: “I’m sorry to hear about your loss” or “I’m sorry that you are going
through this” or “I want you to know how sorry I am that this has happened to
you.” Showing your concern lets the other person know that he or she is not
alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Be supportive. You may feel like you should be doing
something for the grieving person. It feels awkward to just stand or sit and
talk about the situation. If you are the type of person who wants to “fix”
things, you should use that attitude in this situation. While you can’t fix it,
you can do things to make the burden easier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Some examples of support include helping out with
tasks around the house or caring for children so that the bereaved person can
deal with other jobs. You may be able to take on some projects that the deceased
handled, especially important when the people are older. Maybe he mowed the
lawn, or she cooked dinner. Now that they are gone, this task is left up to
another family member. They may feel overwhelmed at all of the work they need to
do and appreciate you taking on the responsibility for a few days or weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One of the best ways to offer ongoing support is by
asking how the person feels. This allows them to deal with their feelings and
express any concerns they are having. It is a good question to ask even months
later because people may grieve for a very long time. When you receive an answer
to your question, don’t assume that means you have to respond or “make them
feel better.” Just the act of telling you that ‘today is a bad day’ or ‘I spent
the morning crying’ can be enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The most important thing to remember about offering
sympathy to people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one is that it’s
not the words that matter. It’s the meaning and the intention behind the words.</span>Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-40342964609598956702016-08-28T06:00:00.003-07:002016-08-28T06:00:16.425-07:00My Daughter At 50<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My daughter’s birthday recently passed. She would
have been 50-years-old this year, born in 1966. I thought it was a special
occasion, even though she died 22 ½ years ago. And 1966 seems like an eternity
ago. I wanted to do something to remember her on this special day, but realized
I am content for now to reminisce on my own and feel her arms wrapped around me
as we said goodbye the last time I saw her at her friend’s wedding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I know of some bereaved mothers who have a party
every year and invite the child’s friends. There is cake, drinks and a balloon
release. Then they talk about what they remember. But that was not my style. So
I did what I’ve done every year on her birthday. I went to the cemetery,
cleaned off her stone and spoke a few words about how much I missed her and
loved her. It makes me feel good to do this, as I am the only one who is left in
our family that is able to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">As I approached the plaque in the ground this year,
I realized someone else had also been there. There was a huge stone sitting on
the top signifying to me that someone else also remembered this special day and
wanted everyone who passed by to understand that. You can’t imagine how good
that made me feel, even though I don’t know, and probably never will, who it
was that was there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This quiet cemetery allows me to go back in time, to
remember all the good times—and there were so many—that we had and to tell her
what I’ve been up to. She loved traveling, and so do I. I tell her we went on a
cruise to the Baltic countries this summer, although I know she died before she
could travel there. Last year I went to a Greek Island that was her favorite
and tried to immerse myself in the culture to see what she loved so much about it.
I discovered it was special in Crete. There is one thing I do when I travel—I take
her with me in one form or another. It could be a necklace I wear with her
picture on it, or her favorite ring. And at each stop, if there is a beautiful
church or synagogue, I go inside and light a candle for her or just say a prayer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She also loved people, particularly all her friends,
and they in turn loved her. When she died I received hundreds of letters and
notes about how she was the glue that held everyone together, that she was a kind
and thoughtful soul that helped others when needed, that she was a free spirit,
and that when she found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life
with, she was content and happy. All parents would like to know this of their
child, and I was lucky enough to have that knowledge. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I think that if I called some of her friends and
shared special moments, pictures, and reminisced about her short life, they, in
turn, could also share what they remember. That would make this birthday very
special. Perhaps one day soon I will do that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-32847286903557998392016-08-21T06:00:00.001-07:002016-08-21T06:00:00.256-07:00Loss of an Adopted Child<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Loss of an adopted child is just as heartbreaking as
it would be if the person had given birth herself, according to Peggi Johnson,
bereaved mother of 19 year old Jordan, who in 2009 died by suicide. She says
she has no idea what happened to trigger his death. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When Peggi realized she couldn’t have children, they
went another route: not an agency but a private adoption through a lawyer. She
retired from her corporate career and devoted herself to motherhood full time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Peggi knew who the birth mother was and kept in
contact with her for a long time sending pictures and letters about Jordan’s
progress as he grew up. But, according to Peggi, the birth mother was erratic
in picking up the annual letters and Peggi stopped sending them until the birth
mother contacted an attorney and Peggi
updated her again, putting together a package for her. When Jordan died, Peggi
and the attorney were unable to contact her for two years but she eventually
found out and was very angry. “I wrote a letter of explanation and the attorney
handled it.”<span style="color: red;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Peggi adopted both of her children, a boy and a
girl, Jordan and Claire, who is now almost 25. Only approximately two percent
of children are adopted. According to Peggi, there are those parents who adopt
and also have their own children, for whatever reason they choose. She
emphasized there is no difference in how you feel about those who are placed
with you and those children who are your own. They are loved equally, she
believes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Growing up Jordan was a quiet boy but smart. He had
a lot of close friends who were crazy about him, according to Peggi. “He did
not have an impulsive bone in his body. I loved him beyond measure and miss him
beyond measure as well every minute of every hour of every day.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Some of the things he loved were castles, wolves,
beanie babies, dinosaurs and Harry Potter. He was an avid reader who adored
David Eddings, Robert Jordan JR Tolkien, J.K. Rowling, Gorge R.R. Martin, and
Ursula LeGuin. He was devoted to his sister, his dog Cassie, his neighbors, his
cousins and his youth group. His life was enriched by teachers. He took a
PB&J sandwich to school every day through 12th grade!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Peggi and her husband, Jeff, didn’t try to “imprint”
and she believe most parents are like this. In other words, she said, “We want
to know how they turn out on their own. If my husband and I loved football, we
wouldn’t try to force it on Jordan. Children need to make their own decisions
about what they want to do with their life. My son was introverted; I tried to
be his advocate and let him do and be what he wanted on his own terms.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Her other child, Claire, always wanted to find her
real parents, particularly after Jordan died. “I was supportive about her
finding as much family as possible,” said Peggi. Claire now knows her birth
mother and has met with her several times. They will be visiting soon again and
Claire will meet, for the first time, other close relatives. She is very
excited about this, but, as Peggi says, “It doesn’t take away from how she and
Claire feel about each other. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“The most important part of being a parent is
unconditional love,” she says. “And I did give both my children unconditional
love.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Complications arise when the child dies, because you
feel responsible that you were entrusted with this child and you couldn’t keep
the child alive. “I don’t think I have healed,” says Peggi. “I think I have a
limb that has been permanently amputated, and I try to do the best I can with
it. I try to make my life meaningful, productive and helpful to others. That’s
the best I’ve got. I endure it as well as I can. I don’t mope around.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Peggi is a hospice volunteer, writes articles for
TCF and presents workshops at the national conferences. She has talked about
adopted children at three previous conferences. She and her husband are both
active in their local TCF chapter in Virginia, enjoy being with other bereaved
parents and do everything they can to honor Jordan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-83448439106271738232016-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:002016-08-14T06:00:15.399-07:00Sudden or Violent Death<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Sudden
or violent death of a child</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> - workshop<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Sudden Death of a child is very close to my
heart. It is the way my daughter died at age 27, and I always want to hear and
read more about the topic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents become paralyzed when their child died
suddenly. They are in a state of shock, and it can take a long time to
comprehend. There is no opportunity to prepare, resolve misunderstandings or,
or most important, to say good-bye. My daughter and I had a wonderful
relationship and when she was suddenly killed in a horrific car accident four
months after her marriage, I couldn’t believe it. Neither can most parents. Our
lives are changed forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">SHOCK<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Shock is our first response to news of a sudden
death. We can’t believe what has happened, nor can any relatives or friends. It
can take days, weeks and in some cases, months, to comprehend emotionally what
has happened. You may have a fear of going crazy: what could you have done,
should have done. This can lead to anxiety in your chest, lack of sleep, and an
inability to function normally. We are angry at the injustice of it all; we
anguish that the loss is forever, we yearn to be with the child; we might also
focus our anger on those responsible. In my case, the man who smashed into them
was never caught.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bereaved parents also want to reach out for a “sign”
from their child, and can be highly susceptible to the power of suggestion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">GUILT<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We ask ourselves “if only” and “What if.” We have
guilt about what might have saved our child. Our job is to protect our child
and not blame ourselves for what happened. Four important points to keep in
mind are (1) talk out your feelings with the family, (2) talk with those who
have been there, (3) keep a journal where you can address unfinished issues and
say things left unsaid, and (4) the need to blame oneself will move from a main
focus of grief to a level of acceptance since many tragedies in life are not
preventable or foreseeable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">ACCEPTANCE<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My biggest focus was on Anger towards those
responsible for my daughter’s death. There are often yearnings to die in place
of your child. It is suggested you surround yourself with like-minded people,
create special ways to remember, talk about your child, keep a special memory
album, hold special memorial gatherings to remember and honor the child, hold blood
drives, donate toys, become a spokesperson for a cause, have a birthday party
every year and do a memorial tattoo on your body. A good site to set up a
memorial website for your child is Legacy.com.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Many families say that one of the most difficult
things is to see the world go on when the child is gone. But there are many
ways to remember. Include your child’s name in a conversation. Even if friends
are shocked at first, they will get used to it and perhaps feel better about
their own memories of your child. Tell stories, make a special memory album
others can look at. Honor the child in any way possible. Give back by helping a
newly bereaved person.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">REORGANIZATION OF LIFE<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We learn to accept the death. It can take a very
long time because each person’s grief is different. Complete recovery is a
myth. We never get over it. The family unit is changed forever and they need
both short and long term support when the death comes suddenly. You will find
your pain slowly changing from intense to warmer memories and a commitment to
lead our lives in honor of our child and in a way that would make that child
proud.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">These ideas and thoughts are all constructive, representing
some good that can come from a tragedy. Reinvest in love, work and living.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-30635735185606352852016-08-07T06:00:00.000-07:002016-08-07T06:00:00.228-07:00Grieving With a Spouse Who Did Not Raise the Child Who Died<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Grieving
with a spouse who did not raise the child who died</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
- workshop<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When you are grieving the death of a child and your
spouse is not the mother or father, it is difficult for you to talk to them
because they feel you don’t understand. They did not raise your child, they did
not go through life’s experiences with the child, so how can he/she share this
journey into the past with you, you might think. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Trying to grieve with a spouse who did not raise
your child adds an element of loneliness to an already isolating loss. How do
you keep this reality from wedging a deep crevase between the bereaved parent
and the current spouse? It is true that some couples do okay coping, but at
this workshop, parents shared some thoughts about how they deal with this
problem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One husband puts a shield up and doesn’t share his
anger and deep grief with his wife. The wife says she suffers for him and tries
to imagine what he’s going through. The wife was told by the moderator of the workshop
that she shouldn’t expect to understand; that it’s inconceivable to relate to
the one who is isolating himself. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Another man who had four children and told his wife to be, "If we marry, we're in this together, She chose to be his children's mother after the death of one of the children. Their marriage is strong because of patience, understanding and good communications.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Whether it’s the mother or father who is suffering,
they will never be the same person. We have to recreate a new life to stay
together in a different world. It takes a long time to realize you’re a
different person and to actually function again. But eventually you do realize
that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Another spouse said her family broke completely and
were never the same after the death. They found it impossible to talk to one
another and share feelings. They divorced when it became impossible for both to
communicate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One mother said she sat down and wrote a letter
explaining her feelings after her child’s death, saying this will all take time,
that you are fighting this grief and want the relationship to continue, but it
will take time. Let the spouse read it and understand that she, too, was
suffering in her own way. She realized things would never be the same but didn’t
want the relationship to falter, that there was hope for them. Sometimes a
written form of communication can open channels to understanding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This is also true for siblings left behind, who
think parents favored the one who died and react accordingly. They cry around
their friends and say they are not loved. This is simply not true, but
sometimes a mother or father doesn’t have the capacity to let go of his/her
grief for a very long time. If they sat down and explained this to the sibling,
matters might improve significantly until things become closer to creating a
new normal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">An exercise suggested by the moderator to help calm
you down to talk is as follows: sit relaxed on a chair or on a sofa, breathe in
through your nose slowly and hold it for a minute. Exhale through your mouth
slowly. Do this three times during the day for as many days as needed. It is a
form of Yoga. If you can do this in a quiet place, it is a great way to quiet
the mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-12800231628572394232016-07-31T06:00:00.000-07:002016-07-31T06:00:04.900-07:00Medical Error Death<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When
Your Child Dies Due To a Medical Error</span></u></b><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">(workshop)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Improving patient safety is now the goal of Tanya
Lord after her 4-year-old child, Noah, died due to a medical error during a
routine tonsillectomy in 1999.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Parents may be tormented by unanswered questions and
a new distrust of the medical profession. The guilt and grief fills these
parents and makes them ask, “What could we have done differently?” They have a
desire and passion to help change the system that has hurt them. “How can we
cope with the reality of losing someone to a medical error?” she asks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Statistics show that 98,000-144,000 people die from
medical errors each year. It is the third leading cause of death right after
heart disease and cancer. Most of these deaths are communication errors,
according to Tanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The unanswered questions include: What happened? Who
is to blame? What did I do wrong? Why did this happen? What were they thinking?
And did they know what they were doing? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To find answers you need to access medical records,
meet with medical staff and contact patient advocates. Sometimes there are no
answers and no one to blame. “The whole system may be broken," said Tanya.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Since my son died, I am always uncomfortable; I
avoid going to doctors and hospitals,” she said. “I no longer think that they
know more than I do. I worry and question a lot more.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Then there is the guilt,” she added. “What could I
have done differently; I let my son down; I should have protected him better; I
should have known better.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Even if you do everything “right” it may happen
again. There is a need to trust. And what do you do when you know they are
wrong? You can try to sue them, but you may not get very far.“For your own
peace of mind, try to forgive,” said Tanya. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">What’s not known is that they’re trying to fix
things. Many hospitals have started a patient/family advisory council. Tanya is
on that council. She has the opportunity to change things now after going back
to school and getting her doctorate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“A lot of good is happening; volunteers are forcing
changes in the system.” Although it may not be your hospital, your voice could
help others,” she added.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Tanya
was a special education teacher when Noah died as a result of medical error.
Determined to better understand and work towards improving health care, she
went back to school and got her master’s degree in public health and a Phd in
clinical and population health research. She is currently the director of
Patient Family Engagement for the state of New Hampshire and consults with
local and national healthcare systems to improve communication, patient safety
and patient engagement.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-9474141000377152292016-07-24T06:00:00.000-07:002016-07-24T06:00:03.621-07:00Red Means Stop<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><u>Note:
I begin this Sunday discussing some of the workshops in depth that I attended and/or the people I interviewed attending the conference that belong to a special interest group.</u><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><u><br /></u></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: red; font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Red Means Stop</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">
is an Arizona organization of victims and safety advocates comprised of
mothers, fathers and children whose goal is to save lives and prevent crashes
that injure and kill drivers, passengers and pedestrians and to honor victims
and their families. The group meets once a month in Scottsdale at Driving MBA. The executive director, Barbara Hoffman sat next to me in the bookstore and told me all about this organization. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
In January 1999, three families whose children
died from red light runners founded The Red Means Stop Coalition. Barbara's son Michael Allanson,14, was hit by an 82-year-old red light runner in
August of 2004, while crossing the street in a crosswalk.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">When formed, the Red Means
Stop Coalition was the only known grassroots organization of its kind in the
United States. There are many traffic advocates around the country who have
similar programs now. Their long-term goal is to have the message about the
dangers and consequences of red light running spread throughout the country
until red light running is significantly reduced everywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">In Arizona, car crashes
are the number one killer of teens and young adults age 15-24. An average of
four people are killed in Arizona every month due to red light/stop sign
running crashes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">The following are the
areas the group is involved in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><br /></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt;">Driver’s Education:<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
<div class="p1">
The group actively participates and plans
events to educate drivers. <span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;">Their education programming includes:</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 15.35pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Speaking about the dangers and consequences of red light running
at Traffic Safety Survival and Defensive Driving School classes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 15.35pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Speaking to students at high schools, about the consequences of
red light running and making poor decisions on the road<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 15.35pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Speaking to middle school and elementary school students about
traffic safety<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 15.35pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Speaking at fairs, conferences, and other events to raise
awareness about red light running, distracted driving, and the importance of
drivers education.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 15.35pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 10pt;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Speaking to parent groups about preparing their children to become
safe and responsible young drivers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.6pt;">
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">They also educates
drivers by providing driver training awards to underprivileged teens
in Arizona. Red Means Stop has partnered with DrivingMBA, a driving school in
Arizona offering high level simulation training labs that are completely
integrated with classroom and on-road instruction. These driver training
programs teach a better understanding of the mental skills required to be safe,
responsible drivers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
In Arizona, over 200 car crashes a year are the number one killer of teens
and young adults age 15-24. It is estimated that four people are killed in
Arizona every month just from red light/stop sign running crashes.<br />
<h1 style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Victim Outreach<o:p></o:p></span></h1>
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;">If you, a family member or friend has been the victim of a red
light running crash and would like to talk to other victims or need information
about red light running laws in Arizona, use the contact information
below. They are happy to talk, console and/or advise you.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;">If a recent victim and your case is still in the investigation
stage or is working its way through the courts, confirm with the investigating
officer or the prosecutor that the defendant is at the very least charged under
Arizona Revised Statutes 28-672. There may be other charges if drugs,
alcohol or speed was involved. </span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;">If an advocate is needed to write a letter to the judge or to
appear in court with you,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;"><br />
This group can help. <em>Email them at<b> </b></em></span><a href="mailto:info@redmeansstop.org"><b><i><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">info@redmeansstop.org</span></i></b></a> or call
their office at 480-305-7900 and leave a message.<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Community
Outreach<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.6pt;">
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Outreach and
education is a key component of Red Means Stop’s programming. The board members
and volunteers outreach to the community by holding events, public and private
and in schools.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.6pt;">
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">The board
collaborated with victims of red light running and their families to compile
their impactful stories into an educational book,<i> Carelessness Is No
Accident.</i> Their goal is to get these books into the hands of teens and
adults to raise awareness about the dangers and consequences of red light
running. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Volunteer
Opportunities<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 15.6pt;">
<span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">Volunteers are needed for Red Means Stop Traffic Safety Alliance</span><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;">. To volunteer email: </span><a href="mailto:Barb.Hoffman@redmeansstop.org"><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Barb.Hoffman@redmeansstop.org</span></a><span style="font-family: HelveticaNeue-Regular; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3692492367544688551.post-2061428271269442172016-07-17T06:00:00.001-07:002016-07-17T06:00:00.176-07:0039th TCF Conference in Scottsdale<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I recently attended the 39<sup>th</sup> annual
Compassionate Friends Conference in Scottsdale, AZ, with over 1,200 people
participating, and I’m coming away with meeting many interesting people,
speakers and attending many workshops. This year, many new special programs
were added in addition to the 100 or so workshops. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For the next few weeks I will be telling you about
some of the workshops and some of the interesting people I met at them. But this week I’d like to highlight some of the special programs
and events that were held. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A special performance by Olivia Newton-John, Beth
Nielsen Chapman and Amy Sky and a meet and greet with a photographer were on
hand afterwards to take pictures with these lovely women, who sang songs from
their new CD about working your way through the maze of grief and loss. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A trip to the Butterfly Wonderland to discover the
amazing life of the butterfly from caterpillar to chrysalis to the moment it
spreads its wings for the first time and takes flight into the world was
viewed. It is the largest indoor rain forest atrium in the U.S. More than 3,000
butterflies from around the world are among lush tropical plants and flowers.
It is one of the most amazing butterfly conservatories in the world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For the first time, a Spanish workshop was designed
to include the grief and bereavement process after the loss of a child,
cultural aspects, diversity with the Latino community, how these bereaved
parents feel when they are not surrounded by their families at the moment of
their loss, the importance of the surviving siblings and their bereavement
process, couples’ grief, the importance of communication and understanding of
their individual grieving process. The atmosphere was filled with songs, poems
and imagery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A discussion about finding meaning and hope in
synchronistic events in “whispers and dream visits” involving our children,
siblings and loved ones who have died was held. Carla Blowey and Mitch Carmody
believe that synchronicity (a meaningful coincidence) in whispers and dreams
serve as a message of healing for the individual and the community.
Participants were invited to share how synchronicity has inspired them to live
a more conscious and hopeful life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There was a “paint night”, a Love in Motion signing
choir, a crafty corner, a hug station and a performance by the internationally
renowned “Yellow Bird Dancers” (members of the San Carlos Apache Tribe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The Healing Haven was an area of respite, relaxation
and inner healing for attendees. With all the chaos of grief, there is always
the need to find greater balance within. They offered chair massage, Reiki,
yoga, meditation, breathing techniques and other aspects of healing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">The
more than 100 workshops included both popular repeated sessions and new ones
never given before. They included topics such as a candid conversation between
a bereaved parent and a bereaved sibling, the impact of traumatic grief on the
family structure, step-parents grief, dealing with grief bullies, the power of
vulnerability (who am I as a griever), grieving with a spouse who did not raise
my child, healing when faith is not an option, digital memory archive of your
child, child dying from a medical error, learning to laugh after loss, and
military and public safety loss.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Keynote
speakers included Barry Kluger, who is trying to get passed the Farley-Kluger
Initiative to allow grieving parents up to 12 weeks of leave from their jobs
(now it is only 5 days); Nivia Vazquez, from Puerto Rico and Steve Fugate, who
crossed America eight times (43,000 miles), walking all the way with a message
of “to mend the broken heart while it is
yet beating.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Sandy Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01010029064187526219noreply@blogger.com0