Sunday, November 4, 2007

A trip to the cemetery

I don't mind going to the cemetery. It is where my daughter is and always will be. I make a special effort to go on her death day, her birthday, sometimes near my birthday, her wedding anniversary and any time before I leave on a long trip. I place new white silk lillies (her favorite) next to the stone (the flowers last for months) replacing the old ones. I look at the picture on the stone and see a bright, happy, smiling Marcy as she was 14 years ago for her engagement picture, full of life, full of hopes and dreams for her future. I scrape the marble that has the picture embedded in it. Then I clean off her stone which has developed a lot of calcium corrosion from both rain and watering of the lawn. I like to have it clean for anyone who might visit. When I am done, it is usually the shiniest stone there.

As I look around at other graves, no one else seems to do what I will keep on doing for as long as I live. I am a virgo and virgos are very neat, organized people. I attribute a lot of my actions to my astrological sign.

I no longer ask why did this happen to Marcy, to me, to everyone who loved her. I know there is no answer and that you end up just accepting that this is the way it is. That doesn't mean I don't get sad or angry at the way life has turned out for all of us. I still have my moments but as time goes on, I am calmer and more practical.

I like talking to Marcy and telling her my latest adventures and the latest gossip, which I know she would love to hear. I sometimes chuckle and can almost hear her laughing with me.

One day I was called by a relative to tell me of an unusual experience he had at the cemetery in March 2006. His parents are buried there also, so when he goes, he also stops at Marcy's stone which is close by. I was having a very serious operation that day and when he went to Marcy's stone, he said something strange happened. For a split second, he could see a halo around Marcy's picture and her saying, "Don't worry, Mom will be all right." He was afraid to tell me of this experience because he thought I might think him crazy, but I certainly don't. I know things like that have happened to others, and I just smiled when I heard his story. The operation, by the way, was a success.

I find it interesting that a cemetery is a place of peace, quiet and solitude that people can go to be with a loved one for just a while, yet, how many take advantage of that. I realize some may have their reasons for not coming, but I think there are a number of people who find it morbid. I am not one of those, and I will continue to observe special days and certain anniversaries and find comfort in being close to Marcy.

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