Do/Do Not Do List

This week I am going to borrow a do/not to do list from a Bereaved Parent USA chapter member, Doris Jackson of Indiana, (later re-printed in the Alive Alone newsletter), who very simply has said many of the same things I have in many blogs, but does so very concisely. It is something that you can show friends and relatives and hopefully, they will learn some very important lessons that all bereaved parents already know. Here is her reason for writing this and her list:

“I once had a very close relative say to me, ‘There’s really nothing you can do when someone dies.’ Of course, this was said to me very shortly after my son had died, and I was in shock; shocked that someone would look me in the face and say those horrible words, and shocked that I couldn’t even come back with a reply.” So even though it has taken me awhile, I have compiled the following list for families and friends of the bereaved.

Be patient with us. Our lives have totally changed.

Don’t forget us, one, two, three, four or even five years down the road.

We will never forget their death date, birthday or special occasion.

Try not to be offended if we don’t

Laugh as much as we used to

Don’t want to go out as much as we used to

Don’t feel comfortable in crowds

Are no longer the life of the party

Need to be around other people who have lost children

Do support us by:

Talk about our kids; we love to hear their names.

Support us on our walks, golf scrambles, motorcycle rides or whichever way we choose to honor our child.

Remember us at the Holiday season. They are hard for us.

Ask us how we are doing. Just be sincere when you ask.

Send us cards or pictures of our kids.

Tell us stories about them that make us happy and smile.

Let us talk about our children. Don’t let us hear that stone-cold silence when we mention their name.

Love us just where we are today.