Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother’s Day and like all Mother’s Days since my daughter died, it is a very sad one. I always enjoyed celebrating with her, whether it was to go out to brunch or dinner, fix me breakfast in bed, or just opening presents from her and her dad.

First she would bug her Dad to death to make sure he got me something. He wasn’t very good at buying gifts but usually bought something for the kitchen, like a pot or pan, since he loved to eat! Marcy, on the other hand, usually liked to buy clothing for me. She never said it out loud, but I guessed there were some outfits I wore that she wished I would get rid of. That was okay. Whatever I received was great. I particularly loved the cards: from her Dad, a romantic one; and from her, a funny or cute one. Fortunately, I kept them all, so that I can, to this day, 18 years later, still look back at them.

This year we are invited to a friend’s house for a Mother’s Day brunch. I am looking forward to it. I really appreciate it when someone is thoughtful enough to know what a difficult day this is for bereaved mothers. In fact, I rank this day even harder than the holidays at the end of the year: Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas.

My friend said, “I know this is a difficult day for you and some of my other friends can’t be with their loved ones, either because of living elsewhere or because of a death (whether it be a child or parent), so I just thought I’d invite all of you over for a few hours.”

My friend invited us a few years ago, and there were about 12 of us, all there for different reasons, but definitely, a compatible group. I’m sure today will be the same.

Also on this day, I usually hear from a few special people who realize how hard this day is. A couple of them knew Marcy and surprisingly, a few never met her and only knew her through me and what I’ve said over the years about her. But I can count on hearing from all of them and it really makes me feel so good.

After the brunch, my husband and I will take a trip to the cemetery so I can place flowers on my daughter’s grave. Even though he is not her father, he is always so thoughtful about trying to make this day easier for me.

For a bereaved parent, Mother’s Day is, and should always be, a day for quiet reflection and the sharing of cherished memories. I hope you are all lucky enough to have caring friends and relatives to share this day with you. And to all mothers, Happy Mother’s Day.

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