Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day Still Hard

Today is Mother’s Day, probably one of the saddest days of the year for bereaved mothers.

For many years after my daughter died, I tried to ignore it. I didn’t go out and celebrate the day; what was there to celebrate any more? I had no other children. Although I knew I would always consider myself a mother, it was still a very hard day. I usually just cooked dinner and wished the day would just hurry up and end.

The passing of time has helped soften the hurt and empty feeling. So now I accept invitations to go to friends’ houses who know how hard this day is for me. I find that extremely kind of them to invite my husband and me over. In fact, one friend who invites about 10-12 people makes sure it is only those who have no one to celebrate with. This doesn’t mean their child died; perhaps they are married and live in another state or perhaps they have never had children. It is a mixed group. I like that because of the one thing we have in common…no children to celebrate the holiday with. So we have lunch, we chat about everyday things and after a few hours we go home. It is a nice afternoon, and I feel good after that.

This year my friend invited us again, but also, so did my best friend, whose children live in different parts of the United States and only send cards and/or flowers. I, too, get a couple of cards. Usually, one comes from my daughter’s best friend, one from a close cousin, one from a friend in another city and, of course, one from my husband. The first couple of years after Marcy died, I’d get cards from some of her friends that I knew, but it’s been 19 years, and I would never expect them to even think about sending a card now. That’s okay. I know they haven’t forgotten her. I heard from her former boss who, once a year, gets all her friends together from where they all worked, and he tells me the first thing they do is talk about Marcy. Oh, how wonderful that makes me feel!

So, even though this isn’t my favorite holiday, I tolerate it and smile, thinking of all the funny cards my daughter used to give me (some of which I still have), the gifts she would make for the family and the meals she would cook. I will always remember these times and keep them tucked way down in my heart.

I wish you all a good Mother’s Day. Remember good thoughts about your children and you will make it through this day hopefully with a little smile.