Sunday, June 8, 2014
Helping Others Understand and Be Part of the New You
If you want to help others understand and be part of your grief journey, here are some thoughts for you to share with those close to you. Perhaps you can gain a new level of understanding of what you are about in this period of your life and, in turn, allow others to react differently to you as you try to move on.
l. Tell those close to you that you want to TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILD. This is the number 1 thing parents want from others. Most family or friends will be terrified to talk about your child for fear it will be too painful for you. But parents do not want their child to be forgotten, and they are so afraid that after a period of time has gone by, that is exactly what will happen. As a parent, tell them stories of your child, and ask them to respond to events they, too, remember. Make it comfortable for them and , in turn, it will be comfortable for you.
2. Tell others that even if we look all right; even if we say we area all right; even if we act all right, WE WILL NEVER BE ALL RIGHT AGAIN BECAUSE OUR CHILD DIED. We will never get over it or forget it, as some friends and relatives would like us to. These same people also need to accept the fact that we will never say good-bye to our children. They will always be in our hearts, our minds, our very beings. We will never forget them. The slightest thing can trigger a bad time for us. It can be an anniversary, a birthday, a song, or even smells or sounds.
3. Others should understand that THERE IS NO SET TIME LIMIT TO OUR GRIEF. It could take us two years; it could take five years; it could take a lifetime to move on. Explain that we have to do what if comfortable for us.
4. ASK FOR THEIR PATIENCE AS YOU MOVE THROUGH THE GRIEF PROCESS and to call once in a while, invite you to dinner, ask you to go to a movie or lunch. There will be a time when you will feel comfortable again doing those things.
5. ASK THEM TO LET YOU DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY; that you may need to try different things before you find what will be right for you in your new life, but that any encouragement means a lot.