Sunday, January 11, 2015

Some Thoughts From Others On Coping

Some thoughts from other local bereavement newsletters and other people across the country on dealing with the death of our children…

Grief is a tidal wave that overtakes you, smashes down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces only to be thrown out on an unknown beach bruised, reshaped. Grief will make a new person out of you if it doesn’t kill you in the making. from Stephanie Ericsson

When asked the question “How many children do you have?” How do you respond? Do you have a standard answer prepared when that question arises? Some parents wish to acknowledge their deceased child and others choose to only mention the children that are living. There is no right or wrong way, sometimes the answer depends on where we are, who we are with and whether we’ll ever see this person asking again. from Karen Cantrell, TCF Frankfurt, N.Y.

Grief work is like winding a ball of string. You start with an end and wind and wind, then the ball slips through your fingers and rolls across the floor; some of your work is undone, but not all. You pick it up and start over again, but never do you have to begin again at the end of the string. The ball never completely unwinds; you’ve made some progress.  from the TCF newsletter, Evansville, IN

Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work theough is sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.  from F. Alexander Magoun

Some of us used to plan budgets a year in advance, managed more then just our household, we planned trips, etc…we were so organized. As bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings we find it difficult sometimes to plan ahead for the next day. It is all we can do to place one foot in front of the other. Concentrating, organizing and planning may not come easy for us anymore. Instead, we may spend those moments loving and cherishing our family and friends, not wanting to let go of those around us for a moment. from Karen Cantrell, TCF Frankfurt, N.Y.

Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that you don’t recover. Instead, you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others and eventually your grief will walk beside you instead of consuming you.  from Rashida Rowe

After the death of a child, it becomes crystal clear. We humans are capable of enduring much more than we can ever imagine. Knowing that doesn’t make grief one bit easier. The painful truth is that we simply do what we must do. We do the unthinkable, day after day.  from Carol Clum

Laughter is not a part of everybody’s life, so it is easy to accidentally offend someone with humor. Bereaved parents, especially the newly bereaved, do not feel like laughing, their joy in life has gone. Laughing seems so trivial to them. They can easily be offended. Some bereaved parents feel guilty about humor and laughter. They feel they have no right to job because their child is dead. Appearing joyous can bring condemnation from society, not to mention your spouse, for appearing to not care. People may think, surely if you are laughing you did not love your child as much as I love mine. The truth is, joy makes life better. Joyous talk and laughter do not show disrespect, they show that healing is taking place. If you laughed with your child while they lived, it is okay to someday laugh with your child again. You dear child has never left your heart and their spirit would surely rather fill your heart with joy than sorrow.  from Chuck Prestwood

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