Sunday, July 19, 2015

Supportive Husbands

They say the third time is the charm. That is so true for my third husband and me, now married nine years, but together for 12 years. I couldn’t have asked for a better husband. He is kind, thoughtful and it is such a comfort to know he understands and supports me during the good days and the not so good days, as I continue my never-ending grief journey.

We go to the cemetery together; he never lets me go alone. He always reminds me when it is time to go there in case I have forgotten an important date. We choose to go about 4 times a year. (For some people that is a lot; for others not enough. Many factors go into this decision and whatever is best for you personally is what you should do.)

My husband has watched videos of my daughter and understands her personality and our relationship. On what was her wedding day, we watch the DVD of the ceremony together because he knows it is what I want to do. It is a lovely memory, since it is the only DVD I have of her. I do have lots of photos to look at and have also shown many of those to him also.

Although they were destined never to meet, my husband gets very emotional and teary-eyed when he speaks of Marcy to others, her accomplishments and how well we got along as I have explained her to him over our years together. It always brings tears to my eyes to hear him speak so fondly of someone he only knew through me.

My husband also has one beautiful daughter, also an only child, who now lives in Belgium. She and Marcy were born in the same month and on the same day, even though 17 years apart. When I speak of that to others, I, as well as they, get goose bumps. What were the chances of that happening? They are so much alike that when I talk to his daughter on the phone or see her in person when we visit, I see the same personality come through, the same expressions and the same words out of her mouth that remind me so much of my daughter. We get along beautifully, something I am grateful for.

And now we have a grandson, something I thought would never be. A picture of Marcy is on a wall in her Belgium apartment so that my grandson will know where his middle name Marc comes from. She has made sure he knows the connection and will continue to do so throughout his life.

My husband and my stepdaughter make sure I am a great part of our grandson’s life. Not only is he thrilled with his first grandson, but more importantly to him, is the fact that I, too, can share that joy with him. He knows how much it means to me. I truly love this little boy and know that as he grows up, I will always be ‘grandma’ to him. I understand it is not important that we are not blood relatives. I am as close to him as any grandparent can be and can’t wait for the next time we are together.

I hope you, too, have the love and support that I have found and that it has helped you cope with your loss.

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