The death of a child is the most unbearable loss of all. Everyone has his or her own timeline for grieving. For some it can take a year to start the healing process towards surviving grief. For others it can take as long as five years. For still others, even longer. There is no set time limit to grieve, nor should one feel guilty about the time it takes. Everyone must do whatever is best for them. But you will know when you are beginning to cope. Here are ten tips.
You know you are coping when:
...You can say your child's name without choking.
...Putting away your child's belongings does not mean putting him out of your life.
...You accept your child has died but the love you shared will never die.
...The laughter you hear is your own.
...A smile plays on your lips when looking at photographs of your child.
...You are interested in matters outside of yourself.
...You remember to take care of yourself.
...You appreciate a beautiful sunrise or sunset, the small pleasures.
...Memories bring comfort and warmth instead of emptiness and pain.
...You realize you will always miss your child, but he/she is part of your life forever.
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I came across your blog, because I too have lost a child. My beautiful 22 year old daughter, Kelci, was killled in a car accident 2 monhts ago. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm normal, because everything I've read about grief seems to condradict my experience. Of course I'm profoundly sad and I've had such dark, dark moments, but almost from the beginning, there has been a lot that just seems some much more intensely beautiful to me. I think I'm weird for having these feelings, because almost everyone else I read about or talk to doesn't seem this way at all. I have seen more beauty in this world and in nature than I ever did before. I appreciate things more. I want to help more. I want to live better for her...honor her. I don't want to feel guilty because sometimes I feel OK. This is my daughter, I'm devasted, but yet, at the same time I'm not grieving as society expects I should. I do laugh, I do find comfort in the memories and photos, I do take care of myself...but it has only been two months and for some reason even from almost the beginning, I felt innately sure that this is what I was supposed to do for her. I knew almost immeadiately (and even wrote this in the memorial tribute to her) that I had to learn to feel good, not cry, celebrate her beautiful life (not mourn it), live a wonderful life, have fun, do good, help others because it is what she would have wanted. The more I try to find out about grief and dealing with the loss of an adult child, I feel like I'm the exception rather than the norm. Of course, I have been times, days, moments, but for some reason I know I have to fight hard, really hard, to escape those and live well, for Kelci. I question if this makes me weird, out of place, or in denial. I miss her every moment of every day, so I know I'm grieving. I just know I'm doing it far different than others.
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