The greatest gift

At this holiday season I have to reflect on how lucky I am. Lucky to have a partner, my husband Lawrence, who is so loving, so caring, so full of life, so willing to be helpful in anything I need, and most of all, so understanding of me and my loss, the greatest loss of all…that of a child.

He makes sure I never forget those special days that are important to all bereaved parents. He has everything marked down in his PDA, birthdays, death anniversaries, special ceremonies. And when those days arrive, we do something special. We either light a candle and he says a short prayer, or we might go somewhere where the lost children are being honored. Every few months he says, “It’s time to go to the cemetery, visit Marcy and bring flowers.” I agree with a smile, happy that he wants to make the journey with me. We always make time in our busy lives to go together.

If I have a bad day…and after almost 14 years there are still and always will be bad days…he hugs me for as long as I need him to. He cries with me also. When we talk to others about Marcy, he gets very emotional. I watch him in awe. Here is a man, who, unfortunately, never knew my daughter (she died nine years before he and I met), yet it is as if he feels everything I feel and more. He speaks of her lovingly as though she were part of him.

It is too bad they were destined never to meet. They would have really loved each other. Marcy, too, was a giver, a sweet person who always tried to look for the good in everyone, who was always there to help a friend, and who was always loving to everyone around her.

But every day he makes me laugh. He tells me a joke or does something funny. He thanks me for laughing at his old jokes. (I don’t know they are old…and I do think they are funny!) Laughter is the most important medicine you can take. Laughter opens up your heart, makes you breathe easier, and gives you hope that today will be a good one. He says, “I love to hear you laugh. I hope a little laughter pushes out some of the sadness in your heart.” It helps.

We have known each other for less than 5 years and it’s as though he has been part of my life forever. I love you, Lawrence. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. And thank you for being who you are and for loving me, the greatest gift you could ever give me.