Thoughts after Mother's Day

Another Mother’s Day is gone. There are no words to describe what I feel every Mother’s Day. But those of you who have lost a child know exactly how I feel. The hole in my heart will never heal. There are some who have tried to do a little mending and it helps, but it is one of the saddest days of the year for me, and there is no getting around that fact.

Some thoughts on Mother’s Day…I remember about 16 years ago I was always so proud when Mother’s Day luncheon in my sorority approached, and I could invite not only my daughter, but also my mother and mother-in-law to join me. Four of us would show up, the most of any sorority member. Everyone seemed envious. Two years later I was the only one of the four of us left. I never knew whether that was the reason the event was dropped from the sorority calendar or whether it was because some of the girls didn’t have anyone to bring. For me it was the best thing. I can’t imagine how I would have felt attending with no one at my side. More than likely I would not have gone.

I also remember that first Mother’s Day after Marcy died. I wondered if anyone would remember I was a mother and will always be a mother. Yes, I did get a few cards from Marcy’s friends and my friends, and that put a smile on my face. After a couple of years most of that ended except for two special people. Life goes on and others forget and move on. Not so for bereaved mothers.

For the first few years after Marcy died I was also invited to Mother’s day brunches with family members. That eventually ended also. Through the years I have had friends invite me out on that day, but I mostly want to forget what day it is.

On a happier note, my husband, who is not Marcy’s father, is always so thoughtful and says so many kind words on that day and throughout the year. He lets me know he understands my pain. He tries to empathize as much as he can even though he only knows Marcy through pictures and video. They never met.

This Mother’s Day was spent on a Europe trip. I lost track of the days and dates and had to be reminded what day it was. I could hear and sense those traveling with me being very careful of what was said and not discussing their children at all for fear it would hurt me. Their kindness was appreciated.

On Mother’s Day we all need to do whatever makes us happy, whatever gives us some joy or whatever feels right. That could be a trip, exercising, taking a walk or just staying at home. Giving ourselves permission to grieve in our own way is very healing and very helpful during this difficult time.