Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving: it is November, and we are approaching the time of year for giving thanks. As bereaved parents, we might say to ourselves, “What do we have to be thankful for?” Our child is gone from our lives forever. We will never see them again. We will never speak to them again. We will never hear them call out to us again in the night for comfort. We have lost part of ourselves, and when a family holiday comes around for celebration, we sometimes, for a while, take a step back in our grief journey.

I know when this time of year comes around, I try very hard not to be negative, but it is difficult. Thanksgiving 1993 was the last time I saw my daughter in a family setting eating Turkey and pumpkin pie. It was a happy time for us all, and I try to focus on those and other happy times. So I sat down last week and made a list of all the things in my new life I am grateful for at this holiday season. I’d like to share that list with you.

I am thankful I could share 27 years of my daughter’s life with her. She was a beautiful, intelligent, gracious child who I was always so proud of and will always be proud of. I am so thankful I had her and would not trade that for anything.

I am thankful that I have wonderful memories of my child in photos and tapes, in talking and sharing with her good friends, and in knowing she was very loved by not only her Dad and I but also everyone with whom she came in contact.

I am thankful for friends who are always so willing to share the holiday with my husband and I. Most of the time we go, although it can be very difficult listening to others talk about their children and grandchildren, but we go because we know others care, and it warms our heart.

I am thankful for my three godchildren, born from my daughter’s best friend. Since I will never have grandchildren, I was honored to be asked to be a godmother as Marcy’s Dad was to be a godfather. We are always included in any family gatherings and all birthday parties. The children spend the night occasionally, and we try to do fun things. One of them is named after my daughter and strangely enough, I do not think of my Marcy when I say her name. She is her own person, and I respect that.

I am thankful for a beautiful day when the sun shines down, and I can watch the flowers bloom. I wish I could share it with my daughter in person, but I know she is looking down on me and wishing me well.

I am thankful when I can be of help to someone in need, whether it be someone who needs a meal or someone who just needs company so as not to feel lonely.

I am thankful that I can wake up each day to a new beginning and get excited about the little things I do: exercise, play bridge, work on travel related projects, write and visit with my husband, who is also a very busy person. A fulfilling day is one where I get at least three important things done from a long list of items I’d like to accomplish.

Positive thoughts help tremendously at the holiday season. Open your heart and mind and allow yourself to see the simple everyday things that you can be grateful for. I hope you can take some of these thoughts and incorporate them into your life. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, and I hope you can share some of the holiday with friends and loved ones.