If you want to help others understand and be part of
your grief journey, here are some thoughts for you to share with those close to
you. Perhaps you can gain a new level of understanding of what you are about in
this period of your life and, in turn, allow others to react differently to you
as you try to move on.
l. Tell those close to you that you want to TALK
ABOUT YOUR CHILD. This is the number 1 thing parents want from others. Most
family or friends will be terrified to talk about your child for fear it will
be too painful for you. But parents do not want their child to be forgotten,
and they are so afraid that after a period of time has gone by, that is exactly
what will happen. As a parent, tell them stories of your child, and ask them to
respond to events they, too, remember. Make it comfortable for them and , in
turn, it will be comfortable for you.
2. Tell others that even if we look all right; even
if we say we area all right; even if we act all right, WE WILL NEVER BE ALL
RIGHT AGAIN BECAUSE OUR CHILD DIED. We will never get over it or forget it, as
some friends and relatives would like us to. These same people also need to
accept the fact that we will never say good-bye to our children. They will
always be in our hearts, our minds, our very beings. We will never forget them.
The slightest thing can trigger a bad time for us. It can be an anniversary, a
birthday, a song, or even smells or sounds.
3. Others should understand that THERE IS NO SET
TIME LIMIT TO OUR GRIEF. It could take us two years; it could take five years;
it could take a lifetime to move on. Explain that we have to do what if
comfortable for us.
4. ASK FOR THEIR PATIENCE AS YOU MOVE THROUGH THE
GRIEF PROCESS and to call once in a while, invite you to dinner, ask you to go
to a movie or lunch. There will be a time when you will feel comfortable again
doing those things.
5. ASK THEM TO LET YOU DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY;
that you may need to try different things before you find what will be right
for you in your new life, but that any encouragement means a lot.
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