Some thoughts from other local bereavement
newsletters and other people across the country on dealing with the death of
our children…
Grief is a tidal wave that overtakes you, smashes
down upon you with unimaginable force, sweeps you up into its darkness where
you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces only to be thrown out on
an unknown beach bruised, reshaped. Grief will make a new person out of you if
it doesn’t kill you in the making. from Stephanie
Ericsson
When asked the question “How many children do you
have?” How do you respond? Do you have a standard answer prepared when that
question arises? Some parents wish to acknowledge their deceased child and
others choose to only mention the children that are living. There is no right
or wrong way, sometimes the answer depends on where we are, who we are with and
whether we’ll ever see this person asking again. from Karen Cantrell, TCF Frankfurt, N.Y.
Grief work is like winding a ball of string. You
start with an end and wind and wind, then the ball slips through your fingers
and rolls across the floor; some of your work is undone, but not all. You pick
it up and start over again, but never do you have to begin again at the end of
the string. The ball never completely unwinds; you’ve made some progress. from the TCF newsletter, Evansville, IN
Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a
person has relaxed enough to let go and to work theough is sorrow. They are the
natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system.
Here lies the road to recovery. from F. Alexander Magoun
Some of us used to plan budgets a year in advance,
managed more then just our household, we planned trips, etc…we were so
organized. As bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings we find it difficult
sometimes to plan ahead for the next day. It is all we can do to place one foot
in front of the other. Concentrating, organizing and planning may not come easy
for us anymore. Instead, we may spend those moments loving and cherishing our
family and friends, not wanting to let go of those around us for a moment. from Karen Cantrell, TCF Frankfurt, N.Y.
Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that you don’t
recover. Instead, you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your
life and channel your emotional energy toward others and eventually your grief
will walk beside you instead of consuming you.
from Rashida Rowe
After the death of a child, it becomes crystal
clear. We humans are capable of enduring much more than we can ever imagine.
Knowing that doesn’t make grief one bit easier. The painful truth is that we
simply do what we must do. We do the unthinkable, day after day. from Carol
Clum
Laughter is not a part of everybody’s life, so it is
easy to accidentally offend someone with humor. Bereaved parents, especially
the newly bereaved, do not feel like laughing, their joy in life has gone.
Laughing seems so trivial to them. They can easily be offended. Some bereaved parents
feel guilty about humor and laughter. They feel they have no right to job
because their child is dead. Appearing joyous can bring condemnation from
society, not to mention your spouse, for appearing to not care. People may
think, surely if you are laughing you did not love your child as much as I love
mine. The truth is, joy makes life better. Joyous talk and laughter do not show
disrespect, they show that healing is taking place. If you laughed with your
child while they lived, it is okay to someday laugh with your child again. You
dear child has never left your heart and their spirit would surely rather fill
your heart with joy than sorrow. from Chuck Prestwood
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