Sunday, July 27, 2008

Remembering on Marcy's birthday

Today, July 27, is Marcy’s 42nd birthday. Although she is not with me physically, she is always with me in everything I do and always in my heart and thoughts. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and what her life (and my life) would have been like if she was still alive. I see her friends that now have their own children and think about how I will never be a grandmother because she was my only child. I continue to be happy for her friends and only wish them well.

I think of how my life has changed since her death and how I have grown into a different person with different priorities. It didn’t happen overnight. Grief takes a long time and is a long road with many dips and curves along the way. Eventually, I did find my way, and I hope that all of you reading this will hopefully find a full life again, with smiles, laughter, new friends and new activities.

In my new life I have a new husband, caring and thoughtful as anyone would ever want; my daughter’s best friend Lynn and I are very close; and I am the godmother of Lynn and Marc’s children. Their daughter is also named Marcy, after my Marcy. I was honored to have the same name used, and strangely enough, when I look at their Marcy, I notice a similarity in looks, but I don’t dwell on it. She is a completely different human being, and I love her for who she is. I was afraid my Marcy would be forgotten now that there is a new Marcy, but I was wrong. Lynn will never forget Marcy, as I won’t. I know that Lynn’s Marcy is aware of what happened to my Marcy and in most school essays I’ve seen her write, she acknowledges she is named after my Marcy, as though it is important to her.

To go along with this, my husband’s daughter was also born on July 27… but a different year. Isn’t life strange, to have that in common with my new husband of two years. I have noticed that her personality and my Marcy’s are the same. Must be that astrological stuff, I tell myself. I’m glad she’s in my life also, although she lives far away, and I only see her twice a year. We get along beautifully, and she is a charming, bright girl that my husband is very proud of, as well he should be.

With all these good things now in my life, it really helps when the pain comes. And it always does, but I suspect it always will. That’s all right, I tell myself. Out of grief comes a new understanding of what is really important in life.

Today, I will spend the day thinking of Marcy, playing the only two tapes I have of her, look at pictures, visit the cemetery where I will place new silk flowers next to her grave, and go through some of her things I have left…not much…but enough to remember most everything important. Marcy touched so many lives and made a difference to so many people. I continually hope that others will also think of her today and in the days to come.


  1. Hello Sandy
    I met you at the compassionate friends conference and went to two of your sessions. I made it a point to say Hello to Marie Levine because I had bought her book...but now I have yours as well.
    Your thoughts touched me....because i share your grief this week end. My son Todd would have turned 26 yesterday July 26th. But Todd sustained a head injury during a college Rugby game on March 1 and died on March 9,2008.When I returned home from the conference I had a message from the young man who recieived Todd's was painful and beautiful to read. A part of what he said was that he was no longer an only child because an angel named Todd Miller had given him his liver and now they would be brothers forever.
    Thank you for sharing Marcy with us and I am so glad to have met you and Marie.

  2. Dear Sandy,

    Thank you for sending me this link to your blog. What beautiful work you are doing to continue the memory of Marcy, as well as helping so many others with their grief.
    Although I never met Marcy, I remember her through you, and was grateful I got to watch the video of her. I can see how she continues to touch others, her love and laughter still fill the hearts of those who remember her so lovingly. July 27. When this date comes up, I think of you and Marcy and the love that lives forever.
    I am so glad you are doing this work to help others. I am delighted to hear how much Lawrence loves you and truly is there for you, supporting you through it all. You deserve all of this.
    In gratitude and love for knowing you, and knowing Marcy. I feel blessed, honored and grateful.
    Love - Rev. Malika Lynn Pohjola