Sunday, March 28, 2010

Dealing with the "What if's" in Life

We can't dwell on the "what if's" in our lives. My daughter was killed by an impaired driver who was senselessly driving around in a Los Angeles residential area, speeding and not stopping where stop signs were posted. In a split second my whole world changed and the "what if's" started.

What if Marcy and her husband had not gone to pick up their new car that day and out to dinner to celebrate their purchase? What if she had driven herself to work and had to return on her regular route? What if they had taken five more minutes at the car dealership? Would the driver have been out of the area by then?

Don't let "what if''s" tear you apart. We can not change or control our destiny and so must live with what has happened in our lives. Don't let it destroy you, but 'do' decide how you are going to live the rest of your life, what you want to do, and how you want to do it.

It took me quite a while to decide what path I would take. It won't happen overnight, in a week, in a month and maybe not for several years. But eventually you will know what is right for you. Everyone needs their own space and time to recover, no matter how long.

In the meantime, go through the grief process, follow the stages of grief, read books on grief recovery, attend a grief support group meeting, see a counselor if you need to and most importantly, talk to other bereaved parents who have been there. They can be your best salvation because they understand exactly how you feel and can help you deal with all your turmoil.

I know this works, because I believe I'm on the other side of grief now...a good place to be...
helping others, writing books, and starting a support group where I live. Check into where you can find help by contacting The Compassionate Friends at or send me an email, and I will direct you to someone who can be of help.

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