Summer Vacations

Time to think about your summer vacation time. As bereaved parents, we almost dread it. All we can think of are the wonderful vacations we had when our child was alive. Now we wonder if we can face going anywhere without them. What are some things we can do to make our new normal more enjoyable this summer?

Ask family members if they have any special places they’d like to go this summer. You may be surprised at their answers, which may include something their sibling, who is no longer here, may have always talked about doing or something they think will make you, as a parent, feel better. Don’t discount that children, at times of stress, can come up with good solutions.

You might want to think of a place that you and your family have never been or something you’ve never done that you always wanted to do like going on a cruise. Share that with your family and get their reaction. On a new location, you will not have to recall any old memories of years past and even though you will still think of how much your child would have liked this also, it is part of your new beginnings.

Your spouse may also have good suggestions for a vacation. Listen closely to what he/she has to say. Where you might have thought originally his idea would definitely not work for you, spouses may have a good point and thought it through more clearly than you at this time in your life.

Visit family and friends who live far away. Know that they will avoid talking about your child who died, so you will need to make it comfortable for them to do so by just telling them you’d like to hear some stories from days gone by. Sharing memories is very helpful for the grieving process and will put your family and friends at ease.

Don’t plan too much during your vacation. Being overtired and irritable will not be fun for you or your family, and going, going and doing, doing, will not help you forget. You will never forget your loss, so try to take care of yourself when traveling to stay in a good frame of mind for everyone else also.

To relax during your trip take some books or games for both solitary relaxing and family fun with monopoly, scrabble or Clue board games. Leave the computer behind as well as your usual busy activities and enjoy the moment. In our grief journey, we need to clear our heads to think rationally and these activities can help.

I’m not saying you should never think of the child you lost during your vacation, but try to think of good memories. Remember how much your child loved some of the activities you did together and know that he/she would want you to continue to enjoy your life because you know the child will always be in your heart and mind and never forgotten.