Sunday, June 30, 2013

She's Not Forgotten

Every so often something happens to let me know I am not the only one who remembers my daughter, even though it’s been 19 years since she died. Everyone who knew me or her, says, “But it seems like just yesterday.” I know bereaved parents feel that way, but when you hear friends and relatives say that, you realize your child has made an impact.

Recently, since March 2, her 19th death day, four things have transpired that brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eyes.

When I attended a confirmation for my godson, I opened the prayer book and a paper fell out. I clearly saw Marcy’s name under the “We Remember Them In Memorium” page from a March 1 service. It is now May. What are the chances that in that entire stack of hundreds of books, I have taken the one that still had a paper in it from two months ago. Is it a sign from my daughter? Perhaps. I want to believe that she’s telling me she’s okay and happy. But other things would have to happen for me to believe that. And they did.

In my husband’s prayer book on the inside cover, is a sticker that reads, “This book is donated by the Lerner family in memory of Marcy Lewis.” I turned to her best friend, Lynn, who was sitting next to me, and my mouth dropped open. Apparently, congregants could purchase one of these in memory of a loved one. And again, I was told the family had done two books like that and we just happened to get one of them as we walked in. Another sign?

A few days before, I was given a temple monthly bulletin. In it, Marcy’s husband Simon had made a donation in her memory. It was the first time in 19 years I had seen or heard of any recognition from her husband. I subsequently found out that he has been doing this for many years. Perhaps it is his way of honoring her and that is okay. It warmed my heart to know that this beautiful couple still has a connection after all this time.

The last thing that happened was a call from Marcy’s former boss asking how I was doing. He calls every few years. Here is a man who adored Marcy for many reasons, mainly her work habits, her creativity and her loving personality which always made people come to her with their problems any time of the day or night. She was always there for them, and I know that her boss has never forgotten her as he has always spoken highly of her. As Marcy, I, too, was not forgotten by him. He spoke of how each year he tries to get everyone who worked for him together for a lunch. “Many come each year,” he said, “and the first subject they want to talk about is Marcy.”

I know that a year after she died, one of her friends told me that many of their mutual friends got together for dinner to talk about her. I do not know how long that continued as I have not spoken to many over the years. I do have beautiful letters from all of them telling me how important she was to them.

I realize there are many people out there who will never forget her, including myself. It is music to my ears. As one friend said in a letter to me that as determined as Marcy always was, “I bet she is up there trying to get a fourth for tennis.”