Sunday, March 2, 2014

Twenty years later...

Today, it is 20 years ago that my daughter, Marcy, died in a car accident. It is amazing how the triggers: a song, an anniversary, a birthday, nature, can cause both tears and laughter, even to this day so many years later.

I felt like the luckiest person in the world when Marcy was born. She was a beautiful baby, so good, so loving, so kind to everyone as she grew up.

When I walk outside now and see what a beautiful day it is, I am sad that she can not enjoy it with family and friends. When I see nature at its finest: the flowers blooming, the birds singing, the misty rain making everything grow beautifully, I know she would have loved to witness this too. I can just see her running through the open fields when she was younger, skipping through the rain drops as they fell on her long ponytail, picking up a grasshopper to show me and just enjoying life.

Every year she had a birthday party and each time it was different: pizza party, ice-cream party, skating party, etc. She loved them all.

In school she won many awards for speaking, debate and theater. I was always so proud of her. I keep all her awards and trophies on a shelf in my office next to the few that I have also won.

When she married she was the happiest. She was a perfectionist like me; everything had to be just right for the wedding. (She even checked to make sure my table at the wedding dinner, not her father’s, was closest to hers. She had to make changes at the last minute to make that happen, so that I remained in a good mood. She knew me and was right about that.) 

She loved life so much, and there was so much more to do. It was so unfair that an impaired driver cut her life short, just four months after her honeymoon. I never dreamed it could happen to me; that sort of thing happened to others, and I always felt bad when I heard about someone else’s tragedy. But then, you are just blown away when it happens to you.

Friends of hers were kind, telling me many stories of how Marcy was the glue that held them all together, how she was always doing things for others, and how much they miss her. I never knew some of those stories, but was always glad to hear what a fine person she was to all who knew her.

Twenty years…and it seems like just yesterday that I held her in my arms and said good-bye as she flew back to Los Angeles after her best friend’s wedding, thinking I would come visit in a few months. Ironically, she was going home for another funeral. The accident was a week later.

I am on my way now to the cemetery to see her gravestone, clean it and spend some time with her. We, the bereaved, eventually go on, as hard as that may be. We live our lives as best as we can, always keeping our child in our heart and our mind. It is very difficult, but we never forget the best thing that ever happened to us.