Springtime...cleaning and remembering

Springtime. A time to clean house, clean the yard, and, as I do so, just another season to think about Marcy and how much I miss her. She has been gone now for 14 years. I clean the house, glancing at the boxes in my closet of what is left of her life. It is compacted into a small corner of the closet. There is not much. Some award, some writings, some childhood items, all the lovely notes and remembrances from others, and most of all, the photos. Photos that are worth a thousand words, a lifetime of memories. I look at them occasionally and reminisce.

In addition to what is in the boxes, I have placed some of those photos all over the house among other photos of family and friends. There is at least one photo of Marcy in every room. Some may think that morbid, but I find it comforting to walk from one room to the next and see her smiling face. Among them are her engagement picture; her wedding picture; a photo of her and best friend Lynn; one of her, me and her father; and one of her in Disneyland hugging Pluto, the dog. I have one showing three generations: my mom, myself and Marcy at age 13 and then the three of us again on a vacation in St. Thomas 10 years later. Best of all, I have a continuous series of 16 photos from birth through age 16 (most are from her yearly school pictures), showing the transformation of what she looked like from birth to her teen years. I wipe them all down as I clean and lovingly hold them all as I think of those times so long ago.

I also have all her stuffed animals. At first I thought I’d give them away to the children’s hospital, since I am not fortunate to have grandchildren, but I’ve found it hard to let go of them, so I keep them all in a special guest room of the house, wiping them off looking at them and remembering where they all came from. Since Lynn’s children are now my godchildren, I occasionally give one to them on a special occasion if they ask to have it.

As I move from one room to the next dusting and cleaning, I come upon some beautiful Venetian glass objects as well as Russian and English objects bought on Marcy's travels that I was sent from her condo after the accident. They are now a part of all my travel item collections, since she and I both loved traveling and seeing the world. I do admire her excellent taste in choosing not the most expensive but simple elegant items.

I finish the springtime cleaning for one more year, glad that I had the opportunity to remember with love many of the good times for all of us. We never forget, no matter how many springtimes pass. There is healing in remembering, and I choose to leave these footprints in my heart forever.