What did my child teach me from the 27 years of her life and
after her death when I also discovered from others how much she meant to them.
Marcy was an outgoing person all her life. She loved having
lots of friends, and I had not had time for many friends. I was always teaching
and many times even missed out on events she was involved in. Teaching was
important to me; I know now nothing was as important as being with my daughter.
When she died I vowed to get my priorities straight. Although, still extremely
busy after retiring, I now have three godchildren and try to get to as many
events in their lives as possible and see them as much as possible. Time passes
too quickly not to enjoy everyone and everything. It is the same with my
grandson, born less than two years ago, but who lives in a foreign country. We
get there a few times a year, but thank God for Skype. We Skype at least once a
week, so he doesn’t forget us in these young formative years.
Marcy was always fair with everyone. When her father and I
divorced, she made sure she divided her time equally on holidays, one year
coming to my home, the next year to her fathers. What a wonderful quality, to
show she loved us equally. I have learned to hug those I love more often and
tell them how much they mean to me whenever I see them. My godchildren have
been instilled with that quality from their mother, my daughter’s best friend. My
husband instilled it in his daughter, and I hope she passes it along to her
son. Not a telephone call nor a day together goes by with any of these close
people ending our conversation by them saying to me, “I love you.” And I smile
and return the sentiment.
Marcy embraced each day and each person she was with as
though they were the most important thing to her. Her friends wrote me letters
after her death telling me she was the glue that held them all together. She
was helpful, friendly and when any of them had a problem, she was there for
them. I like to think that she got some of that from me, but I know that she
discovered most of those attributes herself. I try to follow in her footsteps
and am kind to most, when at other times, I might not have been. I’ve learned
it does no good to have a bad attitude towards others. Life is too short to
hold grudges, so I go out of my way to try to always be kind.
Marcy was a giver. Whether it was a shirt off her back,
sharing her lunch with someone, giving someone a ride in her car or loaning a
few dollars, it was always because she wanted others to have what she knew they
couldn’t get or afford. In my own way I have tried to help others while
honoring her memory by giving scholarships to students in colleges who need
financial help to fulfill their dreams of a career and a better life. I am
confident that if she could have, she would do the same.
I have learned what is important and what is not important
in life. After Marcy’s death, I learned to stop what I am doing and enjoy a
beautiful sunset, watch the quail in my backyard drinking water from the pond,
see the beauty in plants and gardening, and take lots of walks. Even though we
were very close, these are some other things I wish I could have made time to
share with my daughter. I now share them with my husband and anyone else who is
around at the time. I don’t waste the days, the hours or the minutes on trivial
things that no longer have any meaning to me.
When I look back and proudly think of my daughter, I know
she is there with me every day urging me on to be a good person and do good in
this world. I am proud of what she was and what I hope I have become. I will be
forever grateful for her love and her life.
